Belief Makers

We all face challenges in life. I believe we address these challenges in the best way know how to in that moment. We do not know what the long-term results will be. This can be scary, exciting or anything else, depending on how you look at the situation.

This week a ghost from my past showed up in my life. I went from feelings of surprise and shock to feelings of frustration and irritation. Only after I realized that the situation was a great opportunity for me to be authentic and show the ghost from my past the “me of today.” I decided to see that this situation was very funny and a great lesson for me. I hope my story will inspire you to think about how you would handle a situation like this.

Almost four years ago my mother decided that she no longer wanted me in her life. For a while I didn’t really know what to make of it. Did she really mean it? Was she just temporarily angry or upset? So, when I traveled to the Netherlands I visited her. She didn’t let me into the house and told me clearly that I was no longer welcome.

We haven’t been in touch since that day.

This week I received emails from my mom implying that she wants to be in contact again. She says she misses me and would love to hear my voice. So, I thought I’d share the last email I wrote her Thursday morning. With excitement, I look forward to your comments...

Hello mom,

Let me start by saying that I received your emails with mixed emotions. There are so many thoughts going through my head, so I’ll just start somewhere.

Knowing that in the past you told me clearly that you never wanted to see me again, I am surprised that you now want to be in touch with me. The emails you sent me this week don’t say anything about why you broke off contact in the past, and they also don’t tell me why you want to be in touch again now. I hope you will write me back to clarify that for me.

The relationship we had in the past is not one I would want to continue. I have changed a lot; I am indeed another person than you once knew.

A year after we said goodbye for the last time, I started crying during a class at The Option Institute. I realized that for me you were dead, but that the funeral would not be for years. I realized that I had not taken time to grieve or to say goodbye to you, to us, or to the relationship we had together. With this group of great friends we created a ceremony to say goodbye to you. I sang a song I had written. I described my feelings and said goodbye.

Over the years that ceremony has given me support and comfort. The person you were, has a place in my heart with grandma and grandpa, people no longer in my life.

Now it looks like you want to start a new relationship and I ask myself “why do you want that” and “do I want that?” I created a drama-free family life for myself and it is a fantastic experience. I have new friends whom I consider to be my family. I have created a new lifestyle for myself based on the Option Philosophy; it brings me lots of happiness. Maybe you remember the book “Giant Steps” or one of the other books I gave you in the past to read.

It’s really nice to know that you have created new friendships and that there are people who care for you and are willing to help you in starting new things in your life.

Let me know what you are thinking.

Lots of love, Iris

P.S. one of the things that changed for me is that a lot of my life is now open to public. See my website: www.lifetransitioncounselor.com/blog. I want you to know that this email will be discussed in that blog.

That’s my letter. I know that people have a lot of opinions about relationships, especially when it comes to families. What do you think of my letter? What do you think about my attitude towards my mom? What would you do in this situation? Would you embrace an opportunity for the relationship? Would you run away from it as quickly as possible?

Again, I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

Labels: all blogs, iris tuomenoksa, philosophy