Belief Makers

The other day, I was talking to my good friend Mark K about trust and what it means to trust. We had a lot of fun playing with the concept.

First of all, as you might have guessed, my definition of trust is a bit different than that of others. I've found that most people think of trust in terms of the sincerity or sentiment. For example, when they say, "I trust Mary", they mean, "I believe that Mary has the best of intentions for me" or "I now that Mary would never lie to me or steal from them or cheat me, etc."

I tend to think of trust more as an engineer would. For example, I might talk about a bridge or a car being trustworthy. By this, I mean that the bridge isn't going to fall down while I'm driving over it or the car is going to break down while taking a long trip. It's not about the bridge or car wanting the best for me (sentiment), it's about them behaving in a manner consistent with my expectations.

I find my model much more useful than the sincerity/sentiment model. For example, it's not a challenge for me if people lie as long as they do it predictably. If someone who promises to be on time is always ten minutes late, it's easy to incorporate that into my interactions with them. If I'm working with someone who is extremely talented, but who's ethics are not the same as mine, I don't need to make them "unethical" or decide I don't want to work with them. I simply don't rely on them for decisions that involve ethics, but instead value the skills and talents they bring to the table.

On the other hand, the best liars are the sincere ones, especially if they are sentimental. I've had my share of people who, wanting to protect my feelings, see a moral imperative to lie.

So, as Mark and I talked about this, Mark pointed out that I wasn't squeaky clean on how I actually implemented my trust model. He said that, while he liked my model, in fact, I don't operate that way. He said that instead, I tend to just trust people as a matter of course. Hmmm...

Mark gave me some great insights into this third trust model which is apparently my operational model of trust.

First, trusting someone is a unilateral exercise on our part, it has nothing to do with the other person. There's no way to know what another person's intentions are, how they will behave or what other circumstances will enter the picture. Trusting is something that each of us does independently of the situation.

Second, trusting people as a matter of course is simply a better way to live. It just feels better to spend your days with an attitude of trust towards others, rather than an attitude of mistrust.

Third, actively trusting people has this peculiar side effect of causing people to become trustworthy. It's amazing how often people show up and deliver when they know that you believe in them.

I really like Mark's model a lot. It definitely feels better to face the world with open arms, and I've experienced this remarkable side effect of people whom I trust becoming trustworthy over and over again.

So, who do you trust?

Labels: all blogs, mark tuomenoksa, philosophy