Belief Makers

This weekend we have a friend staying with us who in the process of creating a new business. While Mark was off doing whatever he does, I was talking with our friend about his plans.

As he told me his story, I was thinking to myself, "this isn't a plan", "he absolutely hasn't thought this through". I was thinking this, but... well, I wasn't actually saying it (out loud).

At dinner tonight, I told Mark about our conversation and my lack of authenticity with our friend. I wanted to explore why I chose this path. I'm not sure about the exact order, but I think it went something like this...

I told Mark that I was judging our friend in regard to his business plans.

Mark asked me what I meant by that and I said, "Well, first, he hasn't really thought it through and second, he doesn't seem to have a plan."

Mark said, "That sounds like an assessment, not a judgment."

As I thought about that, I agreed. Not having a plan and not having thought through things is just an assessment. Still, I felt that I was judging; I realized that I was judging myself.

Mark asked me, "What are you judging about yourself?"

The answer had two parts. First, I was judging myself for being negative about our friend's plan. I didn't think he had much of a plan, but I didn't want to be unsupportive of him.

Second, I was judging myself for not telling him what I thought. I was being totally inauthentic with him.

While telling this to Mark, Mark gave me the example: let's say that our friend was standing on the top of a building with his arms outstretched, ready to jump off and fly. Would you consider it unsupportive to stop him or at least point out that he might not have thought it through?

I had to laugh at this. So then, the question remained, why wouldn't I just tell our friend that I didn't think much of his plan?

The answer came to me in a flash! Knowing that he's here to meet with Mark to talk about his business plan and knowing that Mark will tell him what he thinks regardless of whether it's good or not, why should I spend my time on telling him that his plan sucks?

At that point, Mark suggested the concept of, "why be authentic, when you can get someone else to do it for you?" He also said that I might have potential as an executive in a business, a key component being the ability to delegate the "dirty" work to others.

I had to laugh. But still, the words had some merit.

So, the question is: why be authentic in uncomfortable situations, when you know that someone else will take care of it? Why clean the dishes, when you have a dishwasher?

Labels: all blogs, iris tuomenoksa, philosophy