Belief Makers

We spent this last week with family as we said goodbye to my beloved grandmother. After 90 wonderful, happy, healthy years, she decided to join my grandfather in heaven to watch over all of us from a place with a spectacular view. She spoke to me during her "wake". She loved the flowers but hated the outfit that was chosen for her and was most disturbed that no one bothered to paint her nails. I chuckled as I heard these thoughts in my head mostly because I didn't need her to give me this information, anyone who knew and loved her would have known. So why is it that certain members of my family were so concerned about the coffin and making sure that everyone knew she was laying on silk and not that cheap immitation stuff but no one thought to paint her nails? I have to admit, when I heard the story about the silk, I was a bit judgemental. My initial thoughts went something like this: You have got to be kidding me... "she deserves "only the best" when she is dead, what about when she was alive? It was a brief moment before my learnings from The Option Institute kicked in and I started my self reflections about why I was being so judgemental in this moment. I learned several years ago that what I judge most in others are those things that I judge about myself.

So here is what I learned..... Those judgements were all about the guilt I felt for every time I was too busy to take gram to lunch, too busy to go with her for a manicure, too busy to call and say "I Love You". It was also about my need to have approval from others and to be "liked" by everyone. Lastly, it was about the regret I feel for not really knowing the people I say I love in my life.

Thank you grandma, for the gift of insight, and the courage to die knowing that we will all be better people as a result of your life and your death. I am making a list of the people I love and want to know better so that their nails will painted and their sheets will be silk, every day of their lives.

Love to all!
Kathy

Labels: all blogs, kathy decastro, philosophy