Belief Makers
Welcome to Belief Makers, the world's most active blog and online community focused on the Option philosophy and becoming happier.
Belief Makers offers a wide range of ideas, insights and perspectives that we hope you will find interesting, inspiring, enjoyable and challenging.
We welcome your insights, questions, suggestions, assertions and musings.
Belief Makers offers a wide range of ideas, insights and perspectives that we hope you will find interesting, inspiring, enjoyable and challenging.
We welcome your insights, questions, suggestions, assertions and musings.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
In Control
posted by Iris Tuomenoksa
Do you believe we can be in control of everything? Do you want to be in control of everything? What does it mean to be in control? Why would you want to be in control? What if you are always in control? What if you're never in control?
This morning I got a lovely little note from Mark Oakley, a journalist from Denmark. He told me in a couple of words that he would love to become one of the authors of this blog and that he was looking forward to my reply.
How Should I Respond?
Now, you have to know, I've never met or spoken with this man. I don't know who he is, what he stands for, what he plans to write about, or why he would like to write particularly on this blog. So, I wrote him back the following:
Not for Everyone
While enjoying this moment, I realized that not everyone would respond the way I did in this situation. In some ways, what I'm doing is out of control. Shouldn't I figure out beforehand that things are going to work out, that the person invited is going to give me the results I expect, that nothing "bad" is going to happen? (Yes, I meant to use the word "bad".)
The first and biggest learning I ever had during my time at the Option Institute was when I came to volunteer in 2003. I learned that making a decision right now doesn't necessarily imply anything about what is going to happen in the future, that a decision in the now can always be overwritten by other decisions in the future. Decisions are not big problems, they are just small choices. I also realized that the intent of where I want to go has everything to do with where things will end up in the future.
So, What's My Intention
My intent for the A New Option Blog is to provide a place where people can be inspired to find their own answers and question the things they want to question, and to create a community founded on authenticity, love, personal growth, and excitement for life. I believe that having this intent and living this intent every day creates an environment that attracts the people who want to join this endeavor.
This intent does not say anything about how big the A New Option Blog will become, how successful it will be (what does that mean anyway), or what we will be doing and writing about next year. But I do know that this will be a meeting place for wonderful people who are willing to share themselves and their ideas, to inspire others to develop themselves into the most wonderful people they can imagine.
So, I want to leave you with this thought: What if most wonderful new opportunities are created by sharing your intentions with others and then riding the wave of choices and decisions that follow rather than adhering tightly to your plans and walking the one path you designed beforehand?
This morning I got a lovely little note from Mark Oakley, a journalist from Denmark. He told me in a couple of words that he would love to become one of the authors of this blog and that he was looking forward to my reply.
How Should I Respond?
Now, you have to know, I've never met or spoken with this man. I don't know who he is, what he stands for, what he plans to write about, or why he would like to write particularly on this blog. So, I wrote him back the following:
Welcome to the New Option Blog! I am so excited that you want to share in our endeavor to inspire people.Since sending that email, I have been enjoying the feeling of curiosity and excitement about having a new blog author on our team. I believe we will have great wonderful submissions from Mark and I am looking forward to seeing the world through his belief filters, and seeing how his world will look the same as mine and different from mine. I am thrilled about all the new possibilities that will come from him joining this growing team of Option philosophy enthusiasts.
I am traveling right now, but I will contact you later today or tomorrow with the schedule as far as it is filled right now, so that we can start fitting you in. How often would you like to write articles and when would you like to start?
I have to run now, but I will be in touch again soon.
Have a great day!
Not for Everyone
While enjoying this moment, I realized that not everyone would respond the way I did in this situation. In some ways, what I'm doing is out of control. Shouldn't I figure out beforehand that things are going to work out, that the person invited is going to give me the results I expect, that nothing "bad" is going to happen? (Yes, I meant to use the word "bad".)
The first and biggest learning I ever had during my time at the Option Institute was when I came to volunteer in 2003. I learned that making a decision right now doesn't necessarily imply anything about what is going to happen in the future, that a decision in the now can always be overwritten by other decisions in the future. Decisions are not big problems, they are just small choices. I also realized that the intent of where I want to go has everything to do with where things will end up in the future.
So, What's My Intention
My intent for the A New Option Blog is to provide a place where people can be inspired to find their own answers and question the things they want to question, and to create a community founded on authenticity, love, personal growth, and excitement for life. I believe that having this intent and living this intent every day creates an environment that attracts the people who want to join this endeavor.
This intent does not say anything about how big the A New Option Blog will become, how successful it will be (what does that mean anyway), or what we will be doing and writing about next year. But I do know that this will be a meeting place for wonderful people who are willing to share themselves and their ideas, to inspire others to develop themselves into the most wonderful people they can imagine.
So, I want to leave you with this thought: What if most wonderful new opportunities are created by sharing your intentions with others and then riding the wave of choices and decisions that follow rather than adhering tightly to your plans and walking the one path you designed beforehand?
Labels: all blogs, intention, iris tuomenoksa, philosophy
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Here the first of a wonderful follow-up email exchange, written by Mark Oakley:
Iris,
I have just read your blog article and I was so honoured and excited that you chose to write about me. And seeing my name as a blog author and enthusiast has resulted in such an excitement within me. I was a bit surprised to see my name there so quickly and I am slightly overawed right now. I too hope I can provide the sort of material you are looking for and that I don't do something "bad" Believe me I don't wish to dilute the standard of such interesting articles with below standard stuff. I certainly have good intentions but you know where they can lead sometimes! I like to think I have a big heart, although it can be childish and dysfunctional. I like to think my big-heartedness and love of the Option Process will come across and inspire people to adopt it and get interested in it, or spark off discussions for those who are already experienced in implementing it in their lives. I feel Joy and Barbara could vouch for my good intentions, even if they have only just met me. What I don't think people will get from my articles right now is an organised, well-thought through approach to the Option Process. My approach will be more passionate and childlike, like a little puppy with a new toy, but have a little-boy charm about it which some readers will like. I hope it won't be long before I can enter the club of real "grown up" Blog authors like you,
Lots of love,
From an overawed but happy and smiling Blog author. Yippee!
Mark
Iris,
I have just read your blog article and I was so honoured and excited that you chose to write about me. And seeing my name as a blog author and enthusiast has resulted in such an excitement within me. I was a bit surprised to see my name there so quickly and I am slightly overawed right now. I too hope I can provide the sort of material you are looking for and that I don't do something "bad" Believe me I don't wish to dilute the standard of such interesting articles with below standard stuff. I certainly have good intentions but you know where they can lead sometimes! I like to think I have a big heart, although it can be childish and dysfunctional. I like to think my big-heartedness and love of the Option Process will come across and inspire people to adopt it and get interested in it, or spark off discussions for those who are already experienced in implementing it in their lives. I feel Joy and Barbara could vouch for my good intentions, even if they have only just met me. What I don't think people will get from my articles right now is an organised, well-thought through approach to the Option Process. My approach will be more passionate and childlike, like a little puppy with a new toy, but have a little-boy charm about it which some readers will like. I hope it won't be long before I can enter the club of real "grown up" Blog authors like you,
Lots of love,
From an overawed but happy and smiling Blog author. Yippee!
Mark
Iris's response to that email:
Hi Mark,
What a great and sweet response! Would you mind if I would post your email as a response to the article?
I personally do not believe in "bad" and that you can do things "wrong". I already love what you responded below and I believe your open en enthusiastic writing will be received with enthusiasm! If you are a little overwhelmed or insecure about what to write about, let me give you a couple of suggestions:
- Choose a small subject. This will keep you on course. Kathy's blog from today is an excellent example of that.
- Make it specific. Use real life examples from your life, work or friends. This way you can easily write about examples that show what you mean. Read some of Joy's blogs as great examples of this
- Don't worry if what you write about is supported by the Option philosophy. Discussions will help clarify how we all think about your article subject. The Option philosophy is not "a bunch of chewed on rules to live by", it's a ever growing process of creating useful beliefs that work in your life. Read some articles and look at how we use the discussions and questions to create new beliefs, ones that help us to travel towards happiness in an easier and more fun way!
- as a mentor I see in your email below different things I would question in a dialogue, and you could use these as subjects to explore in your articles: What is something bad you could do while writing the blog articles? What do you have to do to dilute the blog standard? Where do good intentions lead? What is dysfunctional and childish about your big heart? Why do you believe others have to vouch for your good intentions (see my blog yesterday!) Why do you believe even before you have written one article, that it will not be as organized and well-thought through (an belief about the future)?
I wish you a lot of inspiration and fun exploring and writing!
Iris
Hi Mark,
What a great and sweet response! Would you mind if I would post your email as a response to the article?
I personally do not believe in "bad" and that you can do things "wrong". I already love what you responded below and I believe your open en enthusiastic writing will be received with enthusiasm! If you are a little overwhelmed or insecure about what to write about, let me give you a couple of suggestions:
- Choose a small subject. This will keep you on course. Kathy's blog from today is an excellent example of that.
- Make it specific. Use real life examples from your life, work or friends. This way you can easily write about examples that show what you mean. Read some of Joy's blogs as great examples of this
- Don't worry if what you write about is supported by the Option philosophy. Discussions will help clarify how we all think about your article subject. The Option philosophy is not "a bunch of chewed on rules to live by", it's a ever growing process of creating useful beliefs that work in your life. Read some articles and look at how we use the discussions and questions to create new beliefs, ones that help us to travel towards happiness in an easier and more fun way!
- as a mentor I see in your email below different things I would question in a dialogue, and you could use these as subjects to explore in your articles: What is something bad you could do while writing the blog articles? What do you have to do to dilute the blog standard? Where do good intentions lead? What is dysfunctional and childish about your big heart? Why do you believe others have to vouch for your good intentions (see my blog yesterday!) Why do you believe even before you have written one article, that it will not be as organized and well-thought through (an belief about the future)?
I wish you a lot of inspiration and fun exploring and writing!
Iris
Mark's response:
Iris,
Of course you can post the article and thanks for all the questions you mentioned down below about the mail. I shall think about them and try to find my own answers. I am going to call Joy tonight and bounce some ideas off her. OK so you say it is good to be specific and give clear examples of what I am talking about, I suppose rather like a mentor would ask for from an explorer during a dialogue. Just one thing, I am not Danish. In fact I have dual British/French nationality having lived the first part of my life in Britain and the second in France, currently living in Paris. But I feel much more British.
Here are 10 ideas:
1. A converstion with my autistic son who is getting more and more verbal.
2. Putting one step in front of the other. Racing an ironman triathlon.
3. Dovetailing screw-ups. How my wife and I show compatible issues.
4. My cat is more cuddly when I stroke him with the Option attitude.
5. My good friend Chris and our enthusiasm for bass guitars.
6. A day in the life of a sexually repressed British person (me).
7. A glass of wine is my best friend.
8. How a boss that made me cry (very unoptional turn of phrase I know) set me up for success.
9. Why I love old married couples
10. Jumping in at EY, my first option course.
I have loads of other ideas. I am a journalist and am used to continually thinking about ideas to write about. Out of 10 items to write about, one is bad, seven are okay, one is very good and another is brilliant!!!
I am very excited because your mail says we can write about anything within reason and that it is a good idea to use a small subject and to be specific. Sounds good!
Mark
Iris,
Of course you can post the article and thanks for all the questions you mentioned down below about the mail. I shall think about them and try to find my own answers. I am going to call Joy tonight and bounce some ideas off her. OK so you say it is good to be specific and give clear examples of what I am talking about, I suppose rather like a mentor would ask for from an explorer during a dialogue. Just one thing, I am not Danish. In fact I have dual British/French nationality having lived the first part of my life in Britain and the second in France, currently living in Paris. But I feel much more British.
Here are 10 ideas:
1. A converstion with my autistic son who is getting more and more verbal.
2. Putting one step in front of the other. Racing an ironman triathlon.
3. Dovetailing screw-ups. How my wife and I show compatible issues.
4. My cat is more cuddly when I stroke him with the Option attitude.
5. My good friend Chris and our enthusiasm for bass guitars.
6. A day in the life of a sexually repressed British person (me).
7. A glass of wine is my best friend.
8. How a boss that made me cry (very unoptional turn of phrase I know) set me up for success.
9. Why I love old married couples
10. Jumping in at EY, my first option course.
I have loads of other ideas. I am a journalist and am used to continually thinking about ideas to write about. Out of 10 items to write about, one is bad, seven are okay, one is very good and another is brilliant!!!
I am very excited because your mail says we can write about anything within reason and that it is a good idea to use a small subject and to be specific. Sounds good!
Mark
I love this blog and the exchange between you and Mark. Given that I have spent most of my life being a control freak, this blog and subsequent e-mail conversation between you and Mark have reinforced some of my new beliefs around opening my heart and letting the world in. I am blessed to have you in my life and know I will be blessed to have Mark as well. Love, Kathy
Thanks everyone for your comments. I am just so excited by your site and all the articles which are so inspiring and thought-provoking. I decided to really open my heart for the first article. It is basically how the worst moment in my life was actually a blessing, or "opportunity" Barry Kaufman might say, and became a trigger for personal growth and happiness. My aim was to inspire people that when things are really bad, the Option Process philosophy can help you realise it's a "gift." I did not edit it too make myself look good but authentically tried to portray the situation by my own "truth," warts and all. Thankyou so much for giving me this opportunity to finally write the article I have wanted to write for months.
Mark Oakley
Mark Oakley
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