Belief Makers

Over the last couple of days, I've been enlightened by some of the wonderful exchange of ideas that we've had on the blog. In particular, I've come to a conclusion that I believe will sound like complete anathema to many who are avid Optionites, Optionophiles or Option enthusiasts (and come as no surprise to others). Here we go...

News Flash: If you're actively putting into practice the Option philosophy and applying it to daily situations, then you absolutely, positively do not believe that happiness is a choice.

Pretty cool, huh? Now, before you protest (I'm assuming that I'm not the only one for whom this is news). Let me explain.

As I mentioned yesterday, Bruce DiMarsico described the Option Method as "the 'second best method' for becoming happier." The best method is simply to choose happiness. However, Bruce discovered that most people can't grok the best method, so he created Option.

In the framework of Option, beliefs are a choice, not happiness. By changing our beliefs, we can indirectly change our happiness. The idea of exploring and understanding beliefs is much more palatable and accessible to most of us than the idea of simply changing how we feel. Although, we might struggle with how to go about breaking down a belief into its component elements, logical constructs and assumptions, most of us don't see the process as impossible (especially with the help and guidance of someone else).

So, if beliefs are a choice, then what has happiness got to do with it? In the framework of Option, happiness is not a choice, but an experience. One that can be desired or not desired. If you desire to experience happiness, but simply can't get there, then Option can help you become an expert in uncovering, disassembling and reassemblingthe beliefs that drive your experience of happiness, beliefs being something that you can comprehend and change.

So, if you're unhappy and pursuing a dialogue to help you become happier, in that moment you're actively believing that happiness is not a choice: otherwise you would just decide to be happy. Isn't that cool?

Why Does this Matter
Recognizing that Option is for people who do not believe (at least operationally) that happiness is a choice is important on several fronts.

Wanting Something Other than What We're Doing
First, I have know idea regarding folks who've learned Option from Bruce, but people who've learned Option from Bears quite frequently use 'want' as an indictment (even if lovingly so). When someone says, "I don't want to be angry right now; I just am!", you'll often hear, "That's not true! If you wanted not to be angry, then you wouldn't be angry. Therefore, you must want to be angry."

This form of response is fine, it just has no place in Option. In fact, applying Option begins with the recognition of undesired emotions and responses, i.e., emotions and responses that you actively do and yet do not want to do. If you could simply change your emotions and responses through desire alone, you wouldn't need Option. If on the other hand, you're never allowed to want something other than what you're actually doing, you'd never start Option.

So, all you folks that have bought into "if you're doing it, you must want to be doing it", well, that's just a nonstarter.

Choosing Happiness in Retrospect
Second, for most of us, really grokking that happiness is a choice is a post-Option phenomenon. It's not something that we start with, it's something that we end with. And even then, most of us still don't really buy it, we still use Option to become happier rather than simply choosing happiness.

So, if you wanted to share Option with someone whose never heard of it, starting with the premise that happiness is a choice is probably not the best way to establish common ground or mutual understanding. Especially since, by virtue of the fact that you're practicing Option yourself, you don't actually believe that happiness is a choice; you believe that beliefs are a choice.

For someone who unfamiliar with all this, regardless of how you present it, 'happiness is a choice' is easily viewed as an indictment. You know, "Shit, even my unhappiness is all my fault!"

The Path We Follow
Third, the 'what you do is what you want' assumption sets you on a path that leads to really different results than you would get were you to start with the assumption that you are doing things that you don't want. Starting with the latter will get you to the core of what's going on much more quickly than starting with the former. Starting with the former can lead to endless cycles around something that you've already decided you can't do, i.e., simply decide to be happy.

The Role of Intention
Closely related to want is intention. By recognizing that we can actually experience emotions that we don't want, we can better understand our intentions and beliefs.

Quite frequently, our undesired emotions are a second order effect of beliefs focused on some other activity and intention. For example, your intention might be helping your children to grow and develop in a way that will be most useful to them. As you work to do this, you may experience frustration, fear and anger in the moment as your children behave in ways inconsistent with your beliefs regarding their progress towards these goals.

If you respond to your children in that moment with anger, one might say that it was your intention is to respond angrily (which I've heard many of us Optionites say). Alternatively, if you take a longer view of intention, you would see that your intention is actually to be loving and supportive of your children, but that due your beliefs regarding that intention, your actions in the moment are inconsistent with or even opposite to that intention. So, the direct correlation of actions and intentions can be misleading or confusing if your goal is to become happier.

In fact, keeping in mind that you have best of intentions (regardless of what you've done) can be a great starting point for becoming happier. Sometimes, just that recognition will do the trick.

As I get clearer about this, it seems that the idea that our emotions are not something we do, but instead, are side effects of beliefs that are inturn tied to seemingly unrelated intentions is at the core the Option method. Within the framework, it's quite reasonable to do or experience something that you don't intend or want to do or experience.

Isn't that cool.

So...
Maybe it's just me and none of this is news to anyone else, but I'm really excited to get clearer on this distinction.

1. Happiness is a choice.
2. For people who don't believe that happiness is a choice (at least from an applied, practical perspective) there's Option.

Within the Option framework:

1. Happiness and unhappiness are not choices or actions; they're simply experiences
2. We can be unhappy and simultaneously want to be happy
3. Our happiness and unhappiness are tied to our beliefs about situations, events and stimuli
4. With a little help, we can learn how to breakdown our beliefs, understand them and then reconstruct them
5. As we rebuild our beliefs, we change our experience of happiness and unhappiness

OK, not much time this morning, so that's my thoughts for today. Bring it on.

Teflon

Labels: all blogs, mark tuomenoksa, philosophy