Belief Makers

Faith wrote a blog yesterday that inspired my mind to think about lots of different things. And instead of putting in a comment, I thought it might be fun just to write a response in a blog article. So this one is especially for you, Faith!

I might run out of time halfway, but hey I will just start and see where it brings me!

My waterfall
I remember the time where I was not able to express myself clearly to others. I used to keep everything in my head and I would not let the stream of thoughts come out often. When it would come out it would be a lot and very fast, confusing the people around me! Like a waterfall my thoughts would spout into the depths, and then the waterfall would dry up again and it would get really, really quiet.

Then I learned that my judgments were the reason that the waterfall would stop flowing. Every time I was judging my judgments the waterfall would dry up. I believed judgments were really, really, really bad! They were so bad that I would deny that I had judgments at all, and I actively would avoid expressing judgments which would block the stream of words coming from the waterfall.

"You are a nice person, you are an amazing woman, you are a big complainer, you stink, that place is beautiful, that place is horrible, those people are smart, I am stupid, you are difficult, he doesn’t think, that is a bad thing to do" where thoughts I actively suppressed.

Looking back it is so easy to understand why I did this. I was judging people who did express these kind of thoughts (even if I agreed with them) and because I wanted to be different then them, I decided to stow these thoughts away under the soil. And if I said things like that myself, I would actively judge myself too.

I think that one of the reasons for judging my judgments was, that I got confused about when judgments seemed to be appropriate and when not. If you have ever been in a group of women, you know the double messages. They see an unknown woman walk by and comment on how the person looks and how she acts. This judging seems appropriate. But then, when two friends do the same about a third friend, this is inappropriate and can create a drama that will last for a long time!

I also felt disappointed by judgments others seem to put onto me while raised in a family where alcohol and other challenges were part of daily life. I wanted support and I got judgment and started to see judgments as BAD!

Expectations - Disappointment
If expectations are met, we are happy, if the expectations are not met we are disappointed.

Grateful I am for the lesson that I got growing up: Fulfillment of expectations by others does not say anything about their love for you or your love for them. I know my parents love me deeply, and I love them deeply, but we for sure have not fulfilled the expectations we have from each other.

I did lots of frustration growing up about all the expectations that didn't get met. My parents who were not there to trust upon when I thought they should be there, my friends who were not my friends because they didn't support me at the moments I did expect them to be there. My lovers who didn't grow into the relationship in the way I had expected to.

Over time I learned that you can love someone and someone can love you, but that what you will get from that love relationship, might not ever meet your expectations. Especially, when you do not tell the person about your expectations, the change big you do not get what you want!

I want to write so much more, but in five minutes I have to run out to go to the playroom, so I have to somehow create a quick finish here:

Nowadays I see myself more as a river with a waterfall. The relationships I create are like animals drinking from my river, the land touching my river, and other rivers flowing around where our paths may cross. Some contacts small and quick, others solid like rock and last for a long time. All have an impact on my life. I don’t know what the animals, the land or the rivers expect from me, and they do not know what I expect from them, except when our waterfalls meet and we talk. At these moments our streams may run together, or go again different ways, and all is fine!

Love is acceptance of what's there, not of what will come or has been.

Labels: iris tuomenoksa

Wow, that race on Sunday was something! A gorgeous day, and more than 1700 people came out to run this beautiful trail along the coast. The 10 K was along a path that was a lot less flat than I had anticipated and the run was challenging for me.

Especially because in my enthusiasm I forgot to take my inhaler before the run and after the first 200 feet my muscles started screaming, "Where is the oxygen"?!

But I made it all the way till the end, and my lovely accompany too! Teflon decided to run the race with me. He is a biker and trains every day, so he is in good shape. But halfway the race his run muscles decided not to cooperate any longer, and the last part of the race he moved over the trail like a little penguin.

Congrats Tef, for going all the way till the end and thank you so much for supporting me!

Recovery
Now we are three days after the run and I already did one following up run of 5.5 miles and I am following my schedule working towards my next goal: half a marathon. I have not had a set back from the race (in opposite: I feel great) and Mark also has recovered properly! Isn't that fabulous?

It makes me think about recovery times. The whole running experience gives me a new insight in recovery times after you really challenge your body and what a difference that makes if the body is trained or not. And I can feel the difference for me. It's not that long ago that after a two-mile run I had to do a nap, before I could start the rest of the day, and now I need water and food and then I can go on.

So, seeing that this is the way it works with running, I want to pull this knowledge into other an area: working to become happier. Last week I was going to do a dialogue with a new person and we discussed beforehand what a dialogue is, how it works, how it would help her. And when we talked about finding and changing beliefs I told her that the more she practices, the faster she starts to see which beliefs she has in place that lead to unhappiness, and can then start changing them. I told her that the more you do it, the shorter the time frame of unhappiness will be. On a given moment you will say: "oh no, that thought will lead me to unhappiness, let me make another decision instead".

If you train your body and mind to be in excellent shape, you can experience very short recovery times and you will have a lot more time to spend in the way you would like.

Do you recover easily? Or do you hold on? In which areas do you recover fastest? In which areas do you recover very slow?

Labels: beliefs, iris tuomenoksa, marathon

Every Friday until November 7, 2010 you will find entries from a series written by Iris about her training to run the New York marathon in 2010. It is something she never aspired to do; she has never run a distance of more than two kilometers in her life. In this series she describes her adventures and how she works on her beliefs to transform her challenges and successes into one great experience.

Hello everyone,

Before I start my rant about my running, I want to direct you to a blog from an amazing writer with a son on the spectrum. Her blog is called Zen Master Quinn. Her newest article made us laugh and cry. It is so fabulously written that I don't want you to miss it. So click the link and enjoy.

If you want to support Jenny's writing, you can become a member of her blog and let her know her musings (I would call them art) are appreciated!

This weeks update...
Tomorrow I will run my first 10K and to my surprise I feel prepared! Over the last two to three weeks I have been able to start running again properly, and I have been able to slowly build up the miles. I have not yet been able to run a full 10K, but I have been able to do a combination of running and walking, so I feel confident that I will reach the finish line! Tomorrow is Teflon's birthday and he might even run with me! Awesome, isn't it!

As a way to celebrate my accomplishments so far, I decided to review some of my beliefs and compare them with where I started two-and-a-half months ago.

Running is Healthy
You might thinking. 'Of course running is healthy! Well duh!', but that is not how I saw it. If I ever saw a person running, I would think, "That cannot be good for you. Stressing out your heart, making your blood pump so fast. Those people are going to die some day because they burned themselves out!"

REALLY! That was what I would think. Now, after a couple of months of training, I notice that I breath better, that my skin is softer, that I have a greater appetite for more active things. After having cursed my gym teachers forever because they "forced" every kid to run two kilometers, I am now grateful that they tried. Yes they did. But I didn't want to listen!

Running Makes Me Breathe Better
Time will give me a better perspective, because I have allergy related asthma and the season is only starting, but I must say that without the allergies around my breathing has become much better. I was never someone who had asthma attacks where you cannot breath from one moment to another. Instead, my breathing gets worse over time and my breathing becomes less and less deep.

Because it happens over time, it is not very noticeable. I get more tired and think less clearly, but hey, we all have those days once in a while... not! So, when I was working at Harvard, I decided to visit my doctor. I told him that I wanted to have my breathing checked and when he did, he was surprised about the result. Wow, not enough air to make a baby breathe! No wonder I felt tired! Since then, I am one of the "lucky" people who have an inhaler that I use on a "if needed" basis. And I must say, I have not had to use it a lot lately.

Running Gives Me Longtime Health Benefits
I decided that running is not only helping me with short-term things like breathing and softer skin, but it will also improve my health at old age. Some of you may know that I have signed up for at least 93 years and I want to bring them through in good health. I really have lots and lots of plans for the years to come and would rather not delay them because of health issues. I really believe that active people age later and are in overall better health. I want to be one of those women of 80 that is still running around, doing her daily things as though she were 38.

Running Outside is So Nice!
I didn't realize how much different running outside would be compared to a treadmill. You feel the wind; you smell the odors of the places you pass; you hear the sounds of moving animals or cars. People wave at you; birds fly with you; dogs greet you.

To Run, You Have to Balance Your Mind with Your Body
I never understood that my body consists of different systems that are regulated independently. For example, at this point I believe that I got my first injury because I over trained the muscle in my leg. I believed that when my breathing became better, I could run further and harder. I didn't understand that my muscles have their own training regimen that is independent from my breathing. Now I know that my lungs adapt faster to further distances than my muscles, and that I have to say at a certain point, "Hey stop, no more miles today".

I have to take care of my body.

Running is Fun
Can you believe it? It is something I now look forward to. I am enjoying it. I am even reading about it. I am looking up what other people do, reading tips and browsing race opportunities. It is fun! What a total switch from when I started in January.

I am looking forward to starting 9-mile runs! This is a crazy one. I cannot yet do 9 miles, and I must tell you, 9 Berkshire miles are challenging with all the hills here. Still, I am looking forward to that day that I will be dropped in Great Barrington and then run home.

I am looking forward to it! Can you believe it! Maybe it is because I know that at the end of that day I will be so satisfied. Because it means I have reached a level that I want to be at until I am very old!

OK, there are many more beliefs I could type up right now, but it's time to get moving! Speak to you all again after my first 10K experience. Have a healthy weekend!

Iris

Labels: beleifs, empowerment, iris tuomenoksa, marathon

Every Friday until November 7, 2010 you will find entries from a series written by Iris about her training to run the New York marathon in 2010. It is something she never aspired to do; she has never run a distance of more than two kilometers in her life. In this series she describes her adventures and how she works on her beliefs to transform her challenges and successes into one great experience.

Labels: all blogs, iris tuomenoksa, make belief, marathon

Every Friday until November 7, 2010 you will find entries from a series written by Iris about her training to run the New York marathon in 2010. It is something she never aspired to do; she has never run a distance of more than two kilometers in her life. In this series she describes her adventures and how she works on her beliefs to transform her challenges and successes into one great experience.

Running
It’s the end of week two of the inflammation injury. I've run a total of five minutes (!) over the last week and have been doing strengthening exercises. This seems to me a slow, slow recovery! I am registered for a 10K in three weeks and I wonder how I will be doing by then. Ahh, well... that’s the future. I'd rather come back to the present moment and take it one day at the time. The strengthening exercises, the stretching and cross training will do their work.

This afternoon I heard that my friend Jonathan knows about this diet that in his opinion works really well to eliminate inflammation. This weekend I will hear all about it and change my diet to help my body. By Friday I will give you an update about this all. No beliefs to explore this week. Everything feels peaceful in this area, and I want to leave this subject to go back to the article that I wrote yesterday.

Chew on This!

Labels: beliefs, iris tuomenoksa

(Iris's weekly marathon article will be posted Saturday March 27, 2010)

Labels: iris tuomenoksa, optimism

Every Friday until November 7, 2010 you will find entries from a series written by Iris about her training to run the New York marathon in 2010. It is something she never aspired to do; she has never run a distance of more than two kilometers in her life. In this series she describes her adventures and how she works on her beliefs to transform her challenges and successes into one great experience.

It's Thursday evening and I am typing this blog while watching the sun go down. The sky is orange and beautiful. From my lazy chair I have an incredible view that seems so much more amazing to me tonight. I am totally aware and it seems that this sunset was specially painted for me personally.

Sitting in my chair I am wondering about my life, the world, our experiences and how we interpret them. It's one of those philosophical moments in which many things are thought, and it is a moment in which I feel very grateful for my life. I am grateful for who I am today. In my thirty-seven and a half years I have walked many roads. The last seven years I have mainly walked new unknown roads with my hubby Teflon, creating our amazing future on the spot.

Making Miracles
I must tell you, we are miracle makers. We see, choose and decide without holding on to what we have. We like moving towards what we want at full speed! If this means leaving our house, or changing our jobs, or traveling around the world, or taking loans to support others with what we have, we do it without hesitation.

One thing that makes us miracle makers is that we "love". We love each other deeply; we love other people deeply; we love a challenge; we love helping people; we love doing creative new things; we love change and we love to change; we love life and everything in it. We love what is and what will come and we believe that what will come is going to be beautiful.

Today I spent my day talking to families with autism, working with one of my wonderful little friends in his playroom and doing a couple of dialogues with amazing people. And at the end of the day I was not burned out or tired, but I felt full of gratitude and love for the people I worked with. People are the most amazing mammals in the world, so inspiring, creative and fun.

Running?
Sometimes things do not go our way. My leg injury that I ran into a couple of weekends ago did not disappear. A full-blown inflammation is still keeping me tied to walking and biking instead of running. But the funny thing is that I am not upset.

I start to get ready to go back to running. My mind clearly wants to run. But my body says something else. Teflon and I talked about this inflammation and we came to the conclusion that my cardiovascular system has really strengthened, but that my muscles are running behind in gaining strength. So, this week I am signing up for a gym to have some machines help me focus on this and show this inflammation the door.

When things do not the way we expect, we find alternatives, and we try new things. We follow the path that opens up, but instead of blindly walking it, we influence, we change, we create and we end up where we want.

Making It Big!
I'm reading what I wrote in this article and I realize that I am practicing something that I explained to one of my clients today. I told this person that when you look at addressing a challenge, you go into the details and cut everything in small, specific pieces. It helps you to see what the challenge is about and to see that there are simple steps you can take to overcome it. However, when you are not working on a challenge, but working on making your happiness and positivity bigger, the skill is to create your beliefs in a big way. Forget about specifics, get big and general!
Here an example. I could have said, I love Teflon. But instead I wrote, "We love deeply!"

Saying that we love deeply is a way bigger statement of love in my life. In comparison with the first statement it seems unbreakable, tangible, vibrant. Ahhhh. Love...

So, I would like to know, how often and in which situations you make your happiness fueling beliefs big and general? Do you allow yourself to make your skills, abilities and passions big? Or, do you qualify them and apologize for them? When was the last time that, in describing yourself, you used words like amazing, awesome, wonderful or great?

I'd love to hear from you and your amazing description of you!

Iris

Labels: all blogs, iris tuomenoksa, love

Last month Teflon and I were traveling. We went to the beautiful beaches of South Carolina, and we worked from distance. We enjoyed early walks on the beach to get breakfast; we worked from bookstores and little coffee shops. We met some fun, interesting people over dinner. We talked with friends at home and mostly felt in touch with the world we normally live in.

I say mostly, because my two dear play friends at home in their playrooms, were not able to see, talk to or play with me for a complete month.

When we made our travel plans, I realized that my travel ideas would make an enormous impact on the daily routines of my friends. I would just disappear on them for a complete month. How to explain this change to them in a way that they would understand that I hadn't left them? That I would come back? That I would be thinking of them?

Tracking Iris
I made a plan because I wanted to help them understand that I would be gone for a while, but that I would be coming back again. I decided that I would talk with them about my upcoming travels and I wanted to give them something that would remind them of these discussions and give them a way to comprehend what was going on. Both boys are not yet at a stage where you just tell them "hey, I'm going to the beach and I'll be back in four weeks!"

I'm not sure if they yet totally understand what four weeks means, or what it means to go to the beach. I for sure do not believe they know that the closest beach around is a three hour drive, and that the beach I was going to was way, way farther.

With my computer, I created a calendar for the upcoming ten weeks. It had a little photo of me, an explanation of my going on a holiday. It showed the playroom sessions with me before I would leave and after I left in a different color than the other days. A visual representation of the calendar was hung on the wall in their playrooms for others to reference when they talked about me while I was gone. About two to three weeks before I left, I started telling my friends about my travel plans and with the help of family and other playroom friends, one cross was placed on the calendar every day.

I got an email halfway through my holiday where the mom told me that her son would wake up in the morning and say "no Iris today, no... no... no..."

I guess that my plan worked!

My First Day Back in the Playroom
I had no idea how my little friends would respond to me coming back into the playroom. One of the boys has at different times shown real anger and frustration when his dad returned from travels, and so I could see this happening with me. The other boy sometimes withdraws by staying into the bathroom when something is up for him, so I could see that happening too!

None of this happened. Instead, I was greeted with acceptance and love. The first boy looked at me as if he could not believe his eyes for at least a minute and them mostly wanted to hug and kiss me. The first two days back in the playroom he regularly checked the tattoo on my arm, as if that picture proved I was really back. The other boy showed me what an incredible vocabulary jump he had made in the area of animals and how well he could write them and easily embraced me as his play buddy!

Friendships

Labels: all blogs, autism, iris tuomenoksa

Every Friday until November 7, 2010 you will find entries from a series written by Iris about her training to run the New York marathon in 2010. It is something she never aspired to do; she has never run a distance of more than two kilometers in her life. In this series she describes her adventures and how she works on her beliefs to transform her challenges and successes into one great experience.

The other day I received an email that contained the following sentence...

I realize that I forgot to mention your taking up running. I haven't been able to relate to this yet, because running is not my thing, but it has been great to see your handling of all your issues around it. Thanks for sharing that!

This sweet comment has kept me thoughtful ever since I read it. I think it has to do with the words "not my thing". It tickles me, because until January, I would have been the first to agree that "running is not my thing", or more generally, any activity that gets your heart rate over 120 and has nothing to do with dancing, is not my thing!

However, over the last two months I have proven to myself that running is my thing! I can enjoy and be passionate about something I always said I hated. And I can deal with set backs without going back to hating it.

Inflamed and Happy About It
Last week I had a great, great running week. On Sunday running home, I pushed myself to go a little faster than before. Three quarters of the way home, this feeling came up just above my ankle. I had never felt it before. It was not really painful, but something was clearly a little irritating. I told myself, "hmmm... maybe an extra rest day between now and my next run."

The next morning though, it was clearly pain.

The weirdest pain in the weirdest place! No idea why it happened, so I did a little research and determined that it was an inflammation due to the unevenness of the road surface. So I have to deal with it. I didn't do a lot of running this week; I only did some biking on a stationary bike. I also didn't do unhappiness around it. After my first surprised reaction, I learned a lot about inflammation and now I’m just eager to go back on the road when the inflammation is gone.

Running as a Tool for Personal Growth
So why do I tell you all this running stuff in the Belief Makers blog, every week, over and over. Because for me, it is not about the running, but instead, the power that we give to our beliefs and how beliefs can make or break what we do. By exploring our beliefs with something real and tangible, we can build endurance and strength in ways previously unknown to us. I am not only talking about our bodies but also about our minds.

For example, let's say that your biggest dream has always been to create your own company, but you also believe creating a company is just "not your thing". You might believe that you don't have the skills, the knowledge, or the attitude to be a leader. Perhaps you believe that you do not have the support you need from the people around you. Maybe you're just scared generally of not having a job.

If this is the case, then I promise you that you'll never create this business you are dreaming about. You are holding yourself back and you don't need anyone or anything else in your way to make it hard or challenging.

Until you make starting a business "your thing", you'll never start. You might even come to hate the idea of starting a business just as I hated the idea of starting to run.

Roadblocks
Let's say you get past the starting challenge and you do start your company. You believe you have skills and knowledge and, with the help of others, you have been able to open your own little shop. But then things happen. Customers don't show up as quickly as you would have liked... People whom you thought would support you don't... Maybe someone offers you a job in which you would make much more money than you could ever make in this little business of yours.

What do you do? If you are still holding on to unhappiness fueling beliefs, you probably start to struggle with all the choices you have to make. However, if you have trained your beliefs with strength and endurance training, you will glide through these waters easily and safely. You'll know what you know, you'll know what to do, and you'll know that wherever you end up it will be OK.

It will be OK
I am not talking about unrealistic, pie-in-the-sky, artificial projections where you sit as a king on his thrown and everything in the world goes as you want it. I am talking about standing with two feet solidly on the ground, pursuing the fundamentals of your business in the present moment, and being the boss you want to be.

Maybe your goal is to see your product sold all over the world. Maybe your goal is to simply be a business owner who treats all the employees with respect and provides them the compensation they earn. Maybe you want to want to provide accessible and affordable support to people who otherwise would not be able to get it.

People who stay focused on their original intentions when starting their business can create the business they had in mind and grow it while navigating all the unforeseen challenges that come along the way. Your business can stand tall like a blooming flower in a summer garden as long as you decide that it's all OK.

What's Your Motivation?
Remember that it is easy to be distracted along the way. After running your business for a bit, your original intentions may have changed. Over the years, Mark has worked in many situations where he was brought in as a change agent. In some cases, the companies were heading down the road to closing their doors; in others, they simply wanted to make their business better.

Sometimes the business leaders would openly engage in new ways to approach their businesses. At other times, their actual motivations and intentions would get in the way of their stated intentions and motivations; making the business better was not always the highest priority.

Some people would be motivated by saving face and not want to acknowledge that they'd made mistakes. Others would be motivated by being in control and they wouldn't want to give up the control required to make the business more successful. Sometimes, people were simply motivated by cash and would prefer to sell the business rather than fixing the business.

While many business leaders will say that they want to run a successful company, one in which the employees shout from the rooftops, "come work here, this is the best job ever!", not everyone does.

As you operate your business, it's important to stay in touch with your intentions and motivations. Have they shifted over time? If they have, do you want to reinvigorate your original mission, or do you want to change it? Is everything still OK?

Back to Running
To me, running seems to be a little micro business on its own. Things go well. Things are challenging. I make progress quickly. I encounter challenges that slow me down. But as long as I hold on to my main intention to work towards the marathon in November, while being healthy and while working on my strength and endurance skills, no one and nothing can stop me!

Labels: beliefs, iris tuomenoksa, marathon

Every Friday until November 7, 2010 you will find entries from a series written by Iris about her training to run the New York marathon in 2010. It is something she never aspired to do; she has never run a distance of more than two kilometers in her life. In this series she describes her adventures and how she works on her beliefs to transform her challenges and successes into one great experience.

Seven thirty in the morning. It's thirty-two degrees, the fields are while, the roads are clear. My hubby is dropping me off in town, and my goal is to run back home. I am prepared for the colder weather here. I am dressed with a hat, gloves, running clothes and running shoes. I even wear an extra layer of long nylons for warmth. It's my third run in my own neighborhood this week.

I start running and the quietness embraces me immediately. The nature is amazingly fabulous. Frozen water, snow as far as your eyes can see, and only once in a while cars come by to disturb the stillness. The locals wave at me from their cars and geese are singing me a song.

While running I am thinking about the changes I made over the last two months. I am still amazed that I am doing this; that I am a runner now. I am even more amazed that I really want to do this and I am utterly amazed about how good I feel about the whole experience of training for a marathon. I had never thought much about the experience that is attached to running. Or let me correct that, I only thought about all the negative experiences I had with running!

Mark said to me the other day after one of my excited rantings about my running, that I probably soon will experience a "runners high". A rush of endorphins will create a feeling of pure bliss and happiness. I am don't think I would describe my experiences that way (yet)! But I can tell you that I do enjoy peacefulness with the world around me, a connectedness I have not felt since I was a little kid.

I want you to know that every run still starts with a battle. After fifteen to twenty seconds I start to feel this sensation of being out of breath, and my body says stop.... Stop.... STop.... STOp.... STOP.... But by now I know that I can ignore these signals. I know the urge to stop will go away and my body will relax and start enjoying the journey. In the beginning it would take me up to 12 minutes of struggle (if it would go away at all!), but now I think it is only up to four or five minutes. When my breathing finds a comfortable rhythm with the movement of my legs, my body quiets down and I enter the world of quietness....

I talk to myself while running. I tell myself things like: ah, now I am here, that means I ran so far… or I make comments about unknown little rivers creeping through the fields, and count the cars coming by. This morning I was telling myself: it is quite sneaky how this road is slowly climbing. You cannot really see it, but after two miles, you for sure feel it! Then I had to laugh. What a negative attitude towards the road! What an interesting picture I was painting in my head: the road going up slowly with an intention of sneakiness! I changed this image to being grateful for the road, because it helps me to train for sustainability and strengthening of my muscles. Which is needed for the last part of my route!

I live on a hill. And it doesn't really mater what route I take, I have to over that hill and then climb up the hill to get home! So, I decided to make the hill a standard challenge in my route. Mu thought is that by the time I can run over that run without having to walk one step, I am in awesome condition.

So, this hill is now my friend. It's a friend who authentically tells me how I am doing in my training. It is the friend who is always there for me. As a rock he stands and smiles at me when I tickle him with my running footsteps. As a father he cheers me on when I start walking. And he gives me all what is needed to develop myself further and further. And independent of what I do or don't do he is there for me....

I never thought I would create a friendship with a mountain. What will be next on my journey towards the New York marathon? I will keep your posted. In meanwhile, feel free to share with me your journeys and experiences!

Labels: all blogs, iris tuomenoksa, marathon

Every Friday until November 7, 2010 you will find entries from a series written by Iris about her training to run the New York marathon in 2010. It is something she never aspired to do; she has never run a distance of more than 2 kilometers in her life. In this series she describes her adventures and how she works on her beliefs to transform her challenges and successes into one great experience.

After my article last week, a couple of readers and friends offered to do dialogue exchanges with me to help me work through my frustrations. These dialogues have not yet happened. My traveling and having a husband with flue around changed my priorities a bit this week. And the funny thing is that this didn't really mater, because writing last week's article had already brought me into a very different mental space. I had chosen to be more accepting and loving towards myself. I had decided that the main thing to focus on was being able to run without pain and that I will and can do what is needed to get me there.

What Did I Do?
What did I do? I consistently implemented the strengthening exercises and when any pain showed up, I stopped early. I did more non-impact training and I took way more rest. I also implemented different kinds of stretching exercises.

Labels: all blogs, iris tuomenoksa, marathon

Exactly one year ago, I started the A New Option blog. I was insecure about how to present the teachings I had learned and how to explain the ways in which I personally had changed my life by using these tools. I was starting my own little business, and realized soon that I was not able to explain properly the concepts of my coaching to the people that contacted me. I was trained well in my coaching, but had no idea about how to present my skills in a way that empowered others.

When I started writing I learned very quickly how powerful writing was for me. I had to verbalize what I had learned. I had to develop myself into a teacher that could convey ideas and concepts in a useful way to others. Now I recognize that I held myself back by constantly activating childhood beliefs that said that I was not good at language and expressing myself.

As a kid language was challenging. I wrote right to left, wrote inverted, reversed and confused letters. I could not copy sentences without mistakes for quite some time. I also had problems bringing my words into in thoughts, and was regularly misunderstood when I tried to convey my thoughts. For a long time I felt that my thoughts and feelings were dismissed as unimportant, to which I responded with upset and frustration. Have you ever seen a five-year-old turning red and screaming from the top of her lungs or crying non-stop because she felt frustrated that she could not explain what was going on in her mind? That was me!

Empowerment

Labels: all blogs, empowerment, iris tuomenoksa

Every Friday until November 7, 2010 you will find entries from a series written by Iris about her training to run the New York marathon in 2010. It is something she never aspired to do; she has never run a distance of more than 2 kilometers in her life. In this series she describes her adventures and how she works on her beliefs to transform her challenges and successes into one great experience.

Sometimes things seem easy, other times things seem hard. This week’s marathon training was very, very challenging. And I did quite some unhappiness during the week. Let me tell you...

Last week, after running the 5K in the cold and snow, I ended up with some painful tendons around my knees. I decided to take some rest, and do some replacement non-impact exercising for a couple of days. My theory behind it: by giving the injury time to heal it would disappear.

But it didn’t. Instead it got worse: an irritation that only shows when I run, not when I cycle or use the elliptical machine. And with the persistent irritation, I became persistently more irritated, frustrated and grumpy...


Dragging Up the Past
You have to know that this pain reminds me of something that happened when I was in my teens.

At fifteen, I began to experience similar pain during the summer holidays and it did not go away until I was in my twenties. My dad bought me a moped for my sixteenth birthday, which helped me to go with my friends to the beach, and easily go to school. Everyone on the bike, while I followed by moped.

I remember an outing with my boyfriend’s family where my boyfriend drove me around in a wheelchair. I remember months of not being able to walk from one side of the living room to the other side, and I remember lots of pain when moving from one classroom to the next.

Labels: all blogs, frustration, iris tuomenoksa, marathon

In designing exercises to go with Teflon's series on Option basics, I first thought to write about identifying beliefs and whether or not they were happiness fueling. Then it occurred to me that I might want to start with something more basic, so I moved to situations (stimuli) that cause responses. But then it occurred to met that even this might not be basic enough, so I decided to start with responses. Before we look at beliefs or stimuli, we want to learn to identify our responses and whether or not they're happy, unhappy or neutral.

Think about it, how many times have you asked someone whose face was turning red and whose voice was getting increasingly louder whether or not he was angry, and he responded, "No! I'm not angry!"

In those moments we deny what is being observed because we have judgments about being angry. "Being angry is bad", so we respond with "I am not angry". So, the first step in applying Option is to identify our responses and whether or not they are happy, unhappy or neutral. To do this effectively, we must learn to observe ourselves without judgment. You are a little miracle; you can change moods and feelings so fast, it's incredible. You can go from happy to unbelievably angry in just a few seconds. Isn't that wonderful!

My thinking is that these exercises will be self-extinguishing. After you do them for a while, the new thought processes will become so automatic that you do not have to think about them anymore. Compare it with driving a car. The first couple of times you had to think about everything: giving gas, remembering where the brake was, how to turn on the lights, learning to use the mirror, keeping track of the other cars around you, etc. This is just a partial list of all the things we had to learn, and most of us do it after a while without thinking; we drive on automatic pilot, while listening to the radio or our friends talking to us. Some people even run meetings from behind the wheel.

Exercise 1: I feel... A. Happy or B. Unhappy
Once a day, sit down with a piece of paper or with your computer and write down five things that happened where you felt happy, and five things where you felt unhappy that day. If you do this in the morning, you can take the day before as your inspiration.

Example: (it's early morning here, so I'll draw from yesterday).

I felt happy about:

1. having bought myself a pair of new running shoes
2. having seen some of the Olympics
3. having discussed my blog exercise with Mark
4. having found some good exercises for my legs
5. my dad called to check in with me
   
   

I felt unhappy about:

1. the Myrtle Beach marathon being canceled
   
2. my drinking caffeinated coffee
3. my goose bumps
4. the pain in my knees
5. my Internet connection changing on me all the time

Exercise 2. Symptoms of Happiness/Unhappiness
Now that you have identified some happiness and unhappiness from the last 24 hours, look at your thoughts, feelings, actions and beliefs that accompanied your happiness and unhappiness. For each of the five happy responses and five unhappy responses, write down what you were doing, thinking, feeling and/or believing. What was inspiring about the situations that inspired happiness or unhappiness?

The following answers are each related to my answers to Exercise 1.

Thoughts, feeling, beliefs and actions surround happy experiences.

1. While driving home, I was thinking about how comfortable my shoes would be running. I thought of how I would not have to run with wet shoes because I had a second pair. I told Mark excitingly about it at different occasions during the day with a big smile
2. When I finally found a television station at the end of the day that showed the Olympics I sat myself in front of the television and I didn't move. I was no longer available for conversations, chitchat, or phone calls. I was just present watching.
3. While discussing my exercise with Mark, I first got a little irritated because I created this great exercise that turned out to be too complex to start with. When I recognized I was using frustration, I let go and embraced the conversation to move the exercise in a new direction that would be very useful.
4. I believe that some exercises for my legs and knees are better then others. When I tried out some yesterday, some tension that I had felt building up over the last week disappeared. I realized that I was on the right track. As a teenager I had long lasting knee problems and I believe that I can take actions to avoid this happening again.
5. When I think about the call with my dad, I have to smile. He sounded so happy.

Thoughts, feelings, beliefs and activities surrounding unhappy experiences.

1. My first thoughts regarding the Marathon cancellation were: People have been training for this marathon so long and then it just disappeared on them. If the organization had decided to start later in the day, the weather would not have been a problem. They could have done better. But during the day I started to think: the organization is responsible for people's well-being. They were afraid cars would slide into the runners. Changing the time is hard with so many volunteers who all have their jobs to go to etc.
2. Coffee has a dehydrating effect on me and I am not that good in holding water anyway, so I better not drink it. I tell myself that I shouldn't do this anymore! I judge myself.
   
3. I am writing in the local supermarket cafeteria where it is cold and all my muscles are starting to cramp. I notice that I have a frown on my face and eyes as if this will help warm myself!
4. Over the last week, I started to slowly feel some pain in a tendon around my knee. As a teenager I had lots of knee problems, so I am aware that I have to take this seriously. I started to feel a bit nervous and focus extra attention on it. Only after I realized what I had done in my twenties to get rid of it, and how I could implement that into my daily life, I started to feel OK with it.
5. I have felt a bit out of control with my Internet connection. Some moments it is great, other moments it is gone. Sometimes, the connection drops in the middle of a work phone call and I get irritable. I know irritation does not work with computers, but I am sure as hell trying to make it work!

Exercise 3. Embrace Yourself
By now, you have a written a full page about yourself. The words say something of who you were today (or yesterday). The say nothing about who you will be.

The last step of the exercise is the most important one. Looking straight on at who you were today, it's time to fully embrace and accept yourself. As you read what you wrote look for places that you judge what you felt, thought, believed or did. Then, turn the judgments around by actively accepting yourself knowing that you were doing the best you could in the situation (even if you want to do something else next time).

As you do this, don't rewrite what you did or censor it. Take it straight on without excuses or what-ifs or change. Just see you and accept you. When we censor our actions rather than changing our judgments of our actions, we end up creating a detachment from ourselves and the world around us. The goal is not denial, it's dropping judgments.

So, embrace all you have written down by telling yourself, "Yes, this is who I was today and I am perfect."

Who you are today, doesn't say anything about who you will be tomorrow or one year from now. Changing who you are and how you respond starts with actively acknowledging how you've respond and what you felt, believed, thought and did.

Labels: all blogs, exercises, iris tuomenoksa, option

Myrtle Beach, South Carolina! 5K! My first race!
After four weeks of practicing running, what would it be like? What would happen?

Yesterday, the news castes made it clear: the snow covering the rest of the US would not bypass South Carolina and it was not clear that the 5K would be run that evening. Luckily the snow stayed away most of the day and the organization decided to let the run go on. Yeah! (note: this morning the half-marathon and marathon were canceled because of the weather.)

Half an hour before the race, I arrived at the starting line. People were jumping around to keep themselves warm. No shorts where worn, everyone was dressed in long sweatpants and layers of shirts. NorthFace clearly has a huge customer base among runners.

Everyone was excited and ready. As we were counting down, the first snow flakes started to fall. What a surreal experience. I had to laugh because I thought it funny that the snow was joining me in my first experience so far from home. Who could have imagined this happening on the beach in South Carolina where normally it is around 50 - 60 degrees Fahrenheit at this time of the year.

People were asked to line up by their relative speed and so I diligently had put myself towards the back of the group. I knew I would not be one of the fastest and wanted to make sure others who were faster than me wouldn't get stuck behind me.

Mile One
Over the first mile, I spent a lot of time passing others, people running next to each other at speeds that felt too slow for me. It reminded me of times I walk with Mark through busy shopping areas and we pass people by walking faster, finding little holes between baby strollers, kids, and parents so we can be on our way.

As I moved through the crowd, I experienced different attitudes and emotions. Towards the back, people seemed to use suffering as a way to motivate themselves to keep going. You could hear sighing, whining and complaining pretty much everywhere. I guess that these were probably first timers like me, but ones who were not confident that they could run the complete distance, or who somehow believed that suffering and complaining would get them to the finish!

After passing this group, I got to a new area where children were running with their parents and where other groups ran together who had cheerleaders running with them. People called out, "Come on you can do it!" or "You have been running 5 minutes!" or "Wow, look at that snow, amazing!"

What a different attitude! What fun!

Finding My Groove
As I found a comfortable pace, I got into a quiet group, the group of people who knew they could run the complete distance, but for whom it was also still a challenge. Not the fast ones, not the complaining ones, but the between ones focused on breathing, pacing and muscles.

Here, I passed some amazing fast walkers. I have never seen anyone walk that fast before. I was in awe.

I also was in awe at all the children running. And I was especially in awe and grateful for the spectators who were standing along the sideline, cheering us on while it was snowing. They didn’t care I wasn’t their daughter running by, they didn’t care that I was not their friend, they just cheered and wanted to create an atmosphere of support for everyone running.

The Third Mile
After two miles I got tired, but by then I also knew I would make it. I knew that I could make the finish without having to walk one step. I could do my first run, running all the way. However, This last part of the race seemed to me to be quite long. I heard people celebrating at the finish line, but it sounded sooooo far away, and after every corner where I expected to see finish line, there was another corner in the distance…

By the time I got to the finish, I did not speed up, but I also did not slow down. I ran, and ran, and ran until everyone started applauding and I knew I was there. My first thought when I arrived: I wanted to drink, I wanted to eat, and I wanted to find a bathroom…. Forget celebration. Forget being proud. I just wanted to pee!

However, my celebratory part showed once my senses were satisfied. Wow I did it! I did it! I did it! I am a runner. I am a runner.

Hieper de pieper de piep, Hoera (a Dutch expression in celebrations).

The Results
Here some quick stats: there were 673 runners; I finished as number 361, at 33 minutes 17 seconds. The fastest female ran 21 minutes 49 seconds and the slowest 57 minute 38 seconds.

What an amazing experience! Now I know I can do it and I believe you can do it too. Just like the other 672 children, adults, parents and grand parents. So, I invite you to join me in this process. My next target is running a 10K on April 11, 2010.

What, when and where are you going to run? If not running, what would you like to do that you've never done or never thought you could do?

Labels: all blogs, iris tuomenoksa, marathon

Every Friday until November 7, 2010 you will find entries from a series written by Iris about her training to run the New York marathon in 2010. It is something she never aspired to do; she has never run a distance of more than 2 kilometers in her life. In this series she describes her adventures and how she works on her beliefs to transform her challenges and successes into one great experience.


Tonight's the Night!
Tonight I am running my first official 5K race alongside about 700 other runners. I am so excited! What a change I've invoked in myself! Now I look forward to running hard and working up a good sweat instead of not wanting to run, not wanting to participate! Who would recognize me?

Yesterday I picked up my bib (which has my race number) and a chip that I will have to put in my shoe so it can measure the time I take to run the 5K. I walked around a "Running Expo" and drank in the inspiration of all the people around me. Volunteers, organizers and runners were all counting down to the 5K tonight and the half marathon and full marathon tomorrow.

I feel really good and well prepared. I feel really happy about all I've done.

Tomorrow, I will tell you all about my experience running the 5K. Then on Sunday you will find a blog I'm calling "Applying the Basics". I'll provide some practical ideas and examples of the Option basics that Teflon has been outlining over the past week.

I'll be running tonight at 7:00PM US Eastern Standard Time. Send some happy thoughts my way!

Have a happy day!
Iris

Labels: all blogs, iris tuomenoksa, marathon

Mark told me he wanted to use some extra article space this week, and so you will not see an article from me today.

Labels: books, inspiration, iris tuomenoksa