Belief Makers

"The future is brightly illuminated by the burning bridges of the past."

Teflon

This is a quote that I have come to love more and more deeply. As I said goodbye to my old colleagues to begin getting ready for my new job, I was enjoying myself. I reflected on the year that had past, the challenges, how I'd handled them, the colleagues who supported me and those who didn't.

It felt good to say goodbye. I didn't feel like running away or being pushed away.

Don't Slam the Door
Next day, as I was walking the dog, I remembered the quote from Teflon and smiled as I thought "YES, this is it!" I was raised with the expression 'Don't slam the door', meaning that you should never leave a place in an angry manner. So far I would agree, but the way the phrase was interpreted by most people meant, "be sure they'll take you back if you ask."

I did not slam the door, but I did close it! I told them how the new company has made the effort to create a position that will fit me. How I am looking forward to it.

When I leave through my front door I do not slam it, but I also don't leave it wide open. I close it. I lock it. (I never used to lock my door, but this one will swing open if I don't so I lock it.)

But you know what? I've always been able to unlock it when I returned. What I am trying to say is that burning the bridges doesn't mean that I cannot build them again if I want to. It might not be exactly the same bridge; it might be stronger and more beautiful; the new bridge could be unstable and break.

Yes or No
Burning bridges also means that, when I get a question, I give a yes or a no answer; I don't live in the maybe's. When I decide to leave a job, I leave it. When people say that they would like to see me back, I'll smile and say 'thanks'. It doesn't mean that I'll never be back. But for now I'm gone.

If an ex-employer offered me an old job back the answer would be 'no' -- that bridge no longer exists. However, if they offered me the opportunity to join a new venture with them, I would definitely consider the possibility.

Doubting
Burning bridges is new to me. It feels good, but there are times when I ask myself whether or not this is a bridge that I now want to rebuild, or, what would happen if others still believe that there is a bridge?

Last year I said goodbye to some old friends. Now they just sent me an invitation. This time the invitation included a girl who is now living in Australia and hasn't been back in Denmark in a while. My inclination was maybe, to keep the door open, to not decide, yet.

However, as I reflect on this, my answer has changed. I burned those bridges for a reason. Spending time with those people is like eating an ice cream: the taste is sweet but it isn't really nourishing.

They tell me how much they want to get together, and yet they often hesitate when I ask to set a time. Their way of keeping friendship with me is to meet once a year and have absolutely no contact in between.

I am actually really clear that this is not how I want to do friendship. I like to spend time with people who I find interesting and inspiring, and who want to spend time with me. To accept an invitation from this group of people I would need a bigger reason than a person returning from far away, a person who I stopped writing to because she didn't return my letters.

I guess that the kind of friendship they are offering is just not for me.

Now it's clear: if I had the choice between a day with this group or to spend an hour in the playroom, I would chose the playroom without hesitation. If I had the choice between a day with this group or a cup of coffee and a deep discussion with my girlfriend and her husband, I know what I would choose.

Are you clinging to old bridges? Living in maybes? Often? Sometimes? Never?

Big Love

Joy

Labels: all blogs, burning bridges, change, choices, joy vigh strand, solar system, wants

I've been thinking about breaking my internal watch. So many things are driven by time! I think time is a great construct, but can I just have it there as a structure, like the walls in my house, and not think about it all the time? The more I think about time, the less present I am. When I have lots to do, it's hard for me to settle down to allow the time required for 'slow' tasks, like being in the playroom or reading to my kids.

Don't get me wrong! I'm much better than I was. I just want to continue being aware that time is just a concept, a way of framing what we do, not something that controls me, and that I'm in control.

It comes back to being fully in every moment. The funny thing is that when I plan my time well, I can actually forget about time. For me, something as simple as blocking time for an activity frees me incredibly to enjoy the moments and be fully there.

A great example of this was one day last week. I cleared some time to read a Zachary story, a Simonne story, and then do some Math. I knew I had until 3pm to do those three things.

Once the time was cleared, I broke the watch! I decided not to watch time, to really relax and enjoy the interactions. This was not about checking something off my list.

We started by reading Saturn For My Birthday, and didn't go any further! We got sucked into an entire unit study on Saturn, why the planet would float, the relative size to earth, the moons, the solar system in general. We then looked at every other planet, the length of its days, its years, and so on.

I unearthed several books on the topic and we had a field day. Actually, a field ten-days. I was able to expose my inner artist (I did the sun and the background of the picture you're seeing below) and the children thoroughly enjoyed drawing and painting the planets and moons. Zachary wants to make a solar system mobile, so our Saturn inspired activities may continue for some time.

This is what happens when I create space for something,then allow the thing to completely saturate the space: delectable!

Yet, there is something about stopping to plan my time, the steady call of all the activities demanding my attention, that keeps me from planning. I have told myself that 'planning' is less important than 'doing'. (Hmmm... assessment or judgment?)

So, I've decided, if doing is important, then maybe planning is important too. Here's how I plan to help myself (I've decided to make this one of my challenges as I work with me in my own playroom). I will be challenging myself to see planning my time as a wonderful and enjoyable activity that gives me more time for what I want to do.

To do this:

1. I will enthusiastically and thoroughly celebrate all my attempts to plan
   
2. I will invite others to share planning time with me, because I enjoy people around me working on a similar project
   
3. I will actively recognize that there is no one to reprimand me for not planning, but me!
   

So don't be surprised if you hear me saying:

"Guess what I did today? I sat for ten full minutes and thought about what we would do in our home school tomorrow! It was wonderful!!"

If you really love doing and don't love planning, then maybe it's time to view planning as a wonderful way to help your doing! By planning our time, we can completely forget about time. By paying attention to time, we can ignore it. What a luxury!

Have great fun planning your time and then forgetting about it!

Labels: faith clarke, homeschool, planning, present, solar system