Belief Makers

My boyfriend and I went Christmas shopping. It was the second time we went shopping for Christmas presents and both times we ended up with loads of stuff for us, along with some for our loved ones. We love to treat ourselves!

When we went into a very cute shop with home decoration things in it, I saw a fridge magnet saying, "Let go!"

I produced an anxious feeling in my tummy, as this is not something that has been easy for me to do. My inner thoughts screamed, "Letting go means being totally out of control, and I have to control everything to feel safe!"

So I thought this would be perfect for me. I would buy the magnet and put it on the fridge to remind me many times during the day when I am at home.

Floating Happy Bubble
After meeting my magnet, I started thinking about letting go. Out of experience and observation I know that we tend to believe that if they would let go of our beliefs that are keeping us in line (our drive to succeed, our commitments, our worries and anxiety, our wanting to be in control, our unhappiness), we would end up floating happy bubbles doing nothing at all.

How amazing that we are scared to be happy because we believe that we wouldn't do anything.

Everything Seems Easy When You’re Happy
I also thought of the times when I feel truly happy. In spite of beliefs that I need to hang on tightly to motivate myself, at those times I am totally motivated to do things and everything seems easier. I am joyful, my day is more colorful, I have amazing interaction with the people around me, I can focus better and I can inspire the ones around me to also choose happiness.

Dying from Happiness
Letting go my unhappiness producing beliefs was difficult for a long time because I believed that if I were happy I would die. Over time I created proof that disproves this belief. I have been happy many times, I have let loads of beliefs go and I am definitely still here!

I realize that I also believed that life is a school where I have to complete different tasks and when I will be done I will leave school. The goal is to graduate and get home to God. To graduate, I can't be happy (see my belief above); I need to be unhappy to live and learn my lessons and do my tests. Isn't it amazing what stuff we can make up about life. Does it really have to be this complicated or can we live simply happily?

Happy People are Weird!
Sometimes I believe that if I were happy all the time, I would be such a weird person that nobody would love me or want to be with me. I would just not fit in. But actually, since becoming more and more happy, I am finding more people who are on the same path and I am able to share my experiences with them. We are so good at scaring ourselves into unhappiness!

Letting Go of Expectations Works
Expectations are another area for me where I often practice letting go. In my job working with autistic children, I expect so much from the children I work with, but well... they don’t always do it.

Ok, ok, I am just joking! The Son-Rise Program is the place where expectations are left outside the door. This creates an amazing environment for the children that helps them blossom into wonderful flowers in the smoothest ways. When we start expecting, we start pushing or pulling and the other person tends to get stubborn or push back. And this is so true outside of the playroom, too.

Letting Go is Magic!
Magic happens when we let go! It is so amazing, many times almost in the instant we relax and say goodbye to our expectations, the other person does what we want him/her to do, immediately. Once a Son-Rise dad was telling us a story of his child not wanting to wear clothes. He and his wife were working with him to encourage him to wear clothes for a long time, but he just did not want to do it. One night they decided to be OK with their son not wearing clothes and the next morning he got dressed!

Isn’t that amazing? We work ourselves up, get unhappy to get others to do things, and the easiest and most pleasant way is actually when we feel relaxed and trust that it will all work out the best way.

The bonus is that we can be happy the whole time, before it works out, after it works out, and even if it doesn't work out!

So, let go... let go... let gooooo...

Labels: all blogs, barbara balla, philosophy, son-rise

This is the subtitle of our Adventures in Happiness book and it is so appropriate. Anything you experience can be explained in a thousand different ways. And it is up to you to decide which explanation you choose. Some people do not believe they choose the way they look at things, they think certain things are ingrained in our species and cannot be changed. Others believe they have some control over how they think about things, but not everything is up for questioning. Then there are also people like me, people who believe that everything is make-up, and so can be looked at and questioned at any time.

Daily, there are millions of instances that I do things a certain way, because I have been doing them that way forever! Sometimes, it suddenly doesn't give me the results that I expect or want. In these moments I like to experiment by questioning my beliefs and trying something else. These experiences seem to help me make big leaps in my development towards happiness. Here an example:

One of my little playroom friends has found a new way of interacting with others. He found out what babies find out early in live: when you cry things happen! So he cries... Sometimes he cries from the beginning of the playroom session to the end of the session, other moments he is crying from the moment he wants something he doesn’t get, and there are times he even seems to cry to get things done from people not in the room. The challenge with this is that he does not explain to us why he is crying in that instant. We do not know if it has to do with any of the reasons above or that it is because of something totally unrelated.

Yesterday morning halfway the session, this little man started to cry after his dad had come into the room to bring him some breathing medication. I asked him if there was anything I could do for him. He ignored me and started walking through the room while the tears ran freely over his face and his crying sounds came in rhythmic spurts. As I have done in earlier sessions before, I told him in a soft voice that I would go sit in the corner and that when he was ready to talk or interact with me I would be there for him.

I settled myself comfortable in the corner and watched my friend pace through the room. I felt totally comfortable and loving of him. I believed he was taking care of himself and that he knew how to get to me when needed. Every time he walked by his big teary brown eyes would look at me for an instant, and every time he looked a little longer. When he noticed that I didn't change my demeanor and was just enjoying being there with him he started to give me crying hugs and he ended up crying in my lap.

This is when something very interesting happened. He told me with words; "I will stop crying", "I will stop crying". As a mentor I immediately asked myself? Why is it that you tell yourself to stop crying? And so, I asked him: “how come?” He didn't answer. While we were rocking slowly back and forth I told my friend: "you don't have to stop crying for me. I want you to do what feels good for you." He answered me with a long crying "whawhawhawha wha" while looking in my eyes. I told him that I didn't understand what he had said, but that I felt honored that he wanted to share this with me. I also told him: "I love you. We all love you. Your daddy, your mommy, your sister, your playroom friends, we all love you no matter if you are crying or not."

David stayed in my lap and cried for maybe another ten minutes. Then he stopped, climbed out of my lap and started to play a very connected game with me in the playroom. We talked about Ratatouille (I brought in two little toy rats) and the cat that was catching the rats by their tails. The cat (moved by David) would get closer and closer to the rat and I would jell "run, run, the cat is coming"... His shining eyes and his words living proof of how we connected in that instant.

There were other things I explained David during this session at moments he was not crying. I explained him again about him having choices in any situation. The choice to cry or not to cry. The choice to use words or no words. The choice to want to connect with someone or not. The choice to want to explain what is going on for him or not. I told him that I would be in the room for two hours and would love an adore him and I told him who would be in the room after me to love and adore him. I gave his as much information as possible so could make informed decisions about how long he wanted to cry, how long he wanted to skip the bathroom, how long he wanted to play, etcetera.

On my way home I still was enjoying the connection I felt with this wonderful child. And I thought about general beliefs around crying. How would we be different if we would believe at all times that tearing and crying is not bad and has nothing to do with happy or unhappy? What if it is nothing more than a physical response deeply related to beliefs, and so this is the place to embrace the person with an open mind and ask question to help the person become aware of their beliefs?

I also was celebrating the things my friend is learning at this point. To learn that we have choices at all times and that we have the power to decide when we do what, is something that lots of people learn only later in life.

For me, I learned that my happiness does help other people to relate with me. It changes me in an open door through which music happily dances into the outside air. It is enchanting and wonderful for people who are open to hear and see it...

Labels: all blogs, crying, iris tuomenoksa, son-rise

1. Jaedon does not need a 40+ hour program to be a wonderful, fascinating person that I love and enjoy thoroughly
2. Jaedon is never too old for significant change and development.

Labels: autism, burn-out, faith clarke, hope, son-rise

Joining a Son-Rise Program® has been a great inspiration for me. Not only is it fun to be in the playroom. I also get inspired to do more fun stuff outside the playroom. I get inspired to find ways to inspire Christo's mom. And I get inspired to change my life.

Inspiration in the playroom
When I am in the playroom we mostly play games inspired by Disney. We started with Tigger, which happens to be Christo's and my favorite Pooh character. We will bounce around and quote Tigger. Just try to perfect your "youuuhuuuhuuuhuuuhu". Can you do that without smiling? Do you recognize the amazing feeling when you get Tigger under your skin? You can feel the energy and happiness bounching around while being Tigger. It is so different from playing Eeyore (which is fun too, just different).

Sometimes we pick characters from "Jungle Book". I love Balou. Being Balou gives me a chance to move my but! I would like to be a monkey, but I still can't sing all the words from "I wanna be a Mankind" (I haven't made it my highest priority yet!). Than there are the dogs. They are everywhere: it can be 101 Dalmantines, Blutz, you name it. There are so many great Disney dogs, and I'm a dog person..

I would recommend to anyone to personify a disney character. It's fun and you can make it a good workout too. Pick one of your favorite disney characters and start playing! And by the way: when was the last time you were standing close to someone making funny faces? or scary faces?

Preparing for the playroom
We've been playing monsters, dogs and George of the jungle. I didn't even know George of the jungle. So recently I 've spent time on youtube. Laughing a lot watching clips from this crazy movie.

I've bought some new dvd's and borrowed some from friends with kids. Because how could I know that "Get out of here" was just a quote from Beauty and the Beast"? And I for sure didn't know that there were lines from StarWars in KungFu Panda!

Lately I have been smiling, singing new songs and making more jokes and people around me have been laughing with me!

Inspiring someone else
When I did Group Facilitator training I found it challenging to find the energy and enthusiasm within me. But when I am sitting at the kitchen table exchanging ideas for the playroom with the mom, I am excited. I love telling her how good she is, how fantastic it is that she can see what to do next and that she keeps moving.

I want her to get more help and training, so I keep feeding her with suggestions, and step by step is she moving on it. It's fantastic. I see that I can inspire, and can be patient, all at the same time. It feels so good.

I used this inspiration to challenge people at my work, people who seemed to be waiting for inspiration. When they resisted taking responsibility for their lack of inspiration, I would ask them: how is it working for you to wait for a small ant to bite you, to get under their skin and fill you up with inspiration. As we laughed I knew that they knew that inspiration was there for them to choose.

Let the world be my playroom
I want to take as much as I can from the playroom and build my world from this.

I know that Brian and Mary have a webpage on how to create relationships. My suggestion will be: build a playroom for you and your partner. Build this place with love and acceptance, and a lot of space for exploration.

If anyone want to join my playroom, let me know. It might include pillow fighting and greek dancing, but it will be fun.

My playroom, my rules.

Joy

Labels: inspiration, intention, joy vigh strand, love, relationships, son-rise

My learnings:

1. I can learn from anything, including Jake Drake
2. My clear intention helps me find the insights I'm looking for to get where I want to go
3. Pursuing relationship with my loved ones is more important than obsessing about the things I don't like
4. Creating an opportunity for eye contact and interaction allows me to request behavioral changes without being a bully

Labels: faith clarke, intentions, relationships, son-rise

An Opportunity to Observe
A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of observing a HANDLE (Holistic Approach to Neuro-Development & Learning Efficiency) evaluation done by a HANDLE practitioner with Joe, one of the special children that I work with on a regular basis.

Following an in-depth observation in his natural environment (e.g. his home) and an interview with the mom, Jessica created a treatment plan that allows for the activation and integration of all the special Joe's systems (e.g. sensory systems, immune system, digestive system etc.,) to work in unison, thus significantly improving the his ability to engage with people in his environment in an empowering manner.

Prior to the evaluation, Jessica asked Joe's mom a few questions. The questions included Joe's sleeping and eating patterns over the last few weeks. Joe's mom stated that there had been no changes in his eating and sleeping patterns, saying that he consistently sleeps through the night without any difficulty.

In the Playroom, Your Child is the Boss
Following the conversation with Joe's mom, Jessica, Joe and I entered the playroom. Upon walking into the playroom Joe immediately began to climb on my back indicating that he would like to play the game that we often play during our sessions. I first introduced Jessica to him and then decided to play his favorite game in order to show Joe that he is still the boss even though there is a new person present.

After our game, Joe became very aware of Jessica's presence in the room and started looking at her more frequently. I then decided to step to the side of the room and become an observer.

In the Playroom, Actions Are Words
Jessica proceeded to set up the playroom for her evaluation. The first part of the evaluation required Joe to sit down at the table and pick one toy of his liking on the table in font of him. As Joe sat down and looked at the objects in front of him, he began to stare as if he was hypnotized. His eyes looked at Jessica; however, he seemed not to notice her as if she was not even there.

As Jessica continued to slowly explain to him what she wanted him to do, he continued to stare. He then slowly slouched over on to the table in order to support his body and finally slid off the chair onto the floor.

In a few minutes both Jessica and I heard intense snoring. Joe slept for the next two hours. Our attempts to wake him were unsuccessful. Every time we gently rocked his body or sang into his ear, he pushed us away and fell right back asleep.

Since both the HANDLE approach and The Son Rise Program teach that your child's behavior is his or her language of communication, Jessica and I discussed what Joe's behavior was communicating about the way he interacts with the world.

Interpreting Actions as Communications
Based on what we both know about the different levels of "arousal" (a state of the nervous system, describing how alert the individual feels), we realized that Joe's system was asleep. His nervous system may be described as being in a state of low arousal. This means that for his brain to stay awake, alert and focused, he must be engaged in a movement activity other wise he falls asleep. He must be "on the go" all the time in order to send signals from his muscle and joints to the brain in order to know that he exists in a physical reality.

Identifying that Joe's system was in a state of low arousal is very significant since that allowed us to design a treatment plan based on his specific needs. The treatment plan is always geared towards helping Joe achieve a level of optimal arousal (getting him into the zone of optimal functioning). This is accomplished through a set of simple exercises.

Tuning Your Program to Your Child's Systems
Knowing the level of arousal of the nervous system allows you to choose appropriate exercises for your child. For Joe, we decided to pick movements that would promote alertness (waking up) integration and organization of his brain.

On the other hand, for a child whose nervous system is on high arousal, I would recommend a series of exercises that first and foremost promote calming affects on the nervous system as opposed to an alerting one.

Identifying the specific state of the nervous system of your child is one of the foundations from which you can begin helping your child to achieve a state of balance. If you would like to learn more about the different levels of arousal and how to identify your child's specific needs you may do so by using the book called How Does Your Engine Run? by Mary Sue Williams, OTR/L.

Labels: autism, handle, rita gendelman, son-rise

Yesterday, the four-year-old boy I work with and his parents walked me to the car after our Son-Rise playroom session. While walking up to it, the little man said spontaneously: "Iris's car". We were all very exited. Not only because he recognized and labeled the car, but also because he was using a possessive verb and his pronunciation was fabulous. He had his parents and me in awe about that little piece of art he produced in that moment.

Surprises are one of the things I receive lots of lately in and around the playroom. I am constantly surprised how much the kids know and understand and how fast they learn. They may have difficulties communicating what they are thinking with people around them, but it does not say anything about their capacity of knowing and learning.

A couple of days ago, the little one asked for a ho-do. He said: "ho-do-ho-do-ho-do-ho-do-ho-do", while pacing around the room, squeezing his little fingers from excitement. First I didn't understand what it was and his excitement changed into crying for his "momma" while pointing upstairs. I explained the little man that his crying does not help me to understand what he wants to tell his momma. I asked him: what is it that you want to tell your momma? Let me help you. Then I said: "Momma, I want..." and waited for him to finish up my sentence. He looked at me and nothing happened. So, I explained that this is an opportunity for him to say what he wants and again I said, "Momma, I want..." We did this for a couple of times where he first responded with words "ho-do" and then added the word "eat". And then I got what he wanted to say to his momma: "Momma, I want hotdog!" We celebrated the clarity of our communication that day with hotdog and lots of celebrations of the "I want hotdog" sentence.

And that was only first of the celebrations. Today, the little guy was telling me not only: "I want hodoc (hotdog)" but also "I want diaper", "I want toa (toast)" and he wanted "cere". This last request I did not understand, but the little man was not easily deterred and did anything possible to help me understand that he wanted his "cereal". It seems that the sentence "I want" has given him new depths of persistence helping him to climb over the communication barrier.

There is always hope for change in any situation. If we are able to persist in our wants we can grow so far out or our boundaries that we create a miracle...

Labels: all blogs, autism, iris tuomenoksa, son-rise

I am truly blessed....

Today, my day started with the most powerful connection with a very special autistic boy. No amount of words can describe the feeling of joy and love that I had the pleasure to experience. That is why I invite you to read this blog from your heart more then your mind since it's where I am speaking from and only then you might have a chance to experience a piece of my joy, my life.

It all started when Mark sat on his favorite corner of the bed while engaging in one of his favorite exclusive activities. Flicking his straw and sitting in a lotus position on the far corner of the bed while humming under his breath. His humming was very soothing, rhythmical and predictable. Mark was taking care of himself by stimulating his auditory system in order to regulate his body. Even though Mark was doing exactly the very best to take care of himself, I decided based on my knowledge of sensory processing to provide more intensity to his auditory system and incorporated drumming music into my session.

The moment that I turned on the Sacred Drums CD, Mark immediately looked up at me then at the music and started rocking back and forth to the rhythm of music. I decided to rock to the music just like him except in a more exaggerated manner. I was standing up while rocking and walking to the rhythm of music. I was looking at Mark through the mirror and saw that he was smiling and looking up at me frequently. I then decided to put a large Lycra sheet over my head and continued to walk and rock in a circle. When I stopped in the middle of the room Mark's and my eyes locked. He proceeded to watch me and then got up slowly and with caution came over and peeked in under the Lycra sheet that I was holding over my head. He was coming in and out, sometimes just came close to smell the sheet or touch it with his straw and then went back to his corner on the bed. His exploration of the sheet and I continued for the next 10 minutes. As he was exploring I did not make a sound and did not change the position of my body. I wanted to give Mark the space to just explore on his own without placing any more demands on his sensory systems. He then began to laugh and started rocking intensely back and forth while looking up at me. I started to rock with the same pace as him with the sheet over my head. He got up and started moving my arms back and forth very fast and with a lot of intensity. I quickly realized that he was watching the shadow that was created by the sheet.

Labels: all blogs, rita gendelman, son-rise

I'm not sure what I was doing exactly, but somewhere in the last night I was realizing that I have started to run a double life.

The first me, is the one you all know. The one who has insecurities, questions, doubts, an amazing husband and a beautiful life. The one who writes these articles and the one who is always developing herself into a happier version of herself.

The other me, is the one the children meet in the playroom or people meet during option process dialogues. This is the one who during the interactions is 100% happy, 100% engaged and 100% non-judgmental. She is observant, and adapts easily to whatever goes on. She is funny and authentic and present. She is a great friend.

This morning, I realize that I like the playroom me better! I realize that I allow myself to be bigger and more fun in the playroom then anywhere else. I am deciding that I want to de-compartmentalize myself again into one person. The playroom version!

I think this whole insight started with my friend staying here and me being inauthentic (see my article from yesterday) and then having to doing a dialogue about it to figure out why. I also read a quote from a Child Facilitator on the Internet that says "my job is making friends". And I totally agree with that! So why not doing it all the time!

I already do it 120 minutes at one time and I love it. So I am going to allow myself to grow this attitude over longer periods of time! Isn't life beautiful!

Labels: all blogs, iris tuomenoksa, philosophy, son-rise

I decided to run a Son-Rise program for myself. I have some growth goals for myself, and since our Son-Rise program works for Jaedon (my 10 year old son diagnosed with autism), I thought I would expand on the concept a bit, to help myself. This might be a little confusing ... since I'm 2 people, the autistic child AND the play partner. I hope you can follow...

Let's look at life before my Son-Rise program (the one I run for me...). I wasn't very loving and accepting of myself at all. My attitude was definitely not inspiring growth! The more I learnt about what I wanted me to be doing, the more I judged me for not doing it! This cycle definitely did not lead where I wanted it to go! One day it hit me. If I want to help myself to grow, why don't I start being with me the way I am with Jaedon?

So the key to a Son-Rise program is the attitude of loving acceptance. Being that way with myself challenged a long held belief that I am lovable because of what I do. That one wasn't serving me well at all! I could never do enough. I looked for evidence everywhere to prove that I wasn't doing enough to measure up. It was exhausting. So, how about changing that belief to "I love and accept me just as I am"? What a freeing thought! Loving and accepting me just as I am, believing that I don't have to do anything to 'qualify'for my own love. That means, I don't have to judge my 'non-option' beliefs, my 'non-son-rise' behaviors, my less than loving comments/behaviors to my husband. I can love me no matter what!

Next is the concept of joining. The key element of joining is fascinated curiosity while engaging in the child's behavior, owning it and exploring it to discover the beauty in the behavior. So how do I join me? I notice that as I relax into the loving, accepting attitude, it's easier to notice my own discomfort, look with interest at how I'm responding, and ask questions about whether my response is really what I'm wanting and uncover what's really going on. And, loving acceptance comes in right here: I don't have to say "There you go, believing that again!" I can let go of all self-judgment and embrace another opportunity to grow and change. Plus, when I notice that I've moved further in the direction that I want, I get to celebrate me! Yup, pat myself on the back and recognize myself for what I've done. That feels so much better than what I used to say "About time you did the right thing!"

One of my overall goals is to show up BIG in my life. Part of that for me is to love people in a generous, extravagant way. I've made that my current playroom "challenge" starting with the person closest to me, my soul-mate, Isaiah. What an exciting ride that has been!!! Just to be able to notice myself holding back in any given moment, has opened up so many doors, so many opportunities to do something different and exciting! Of course, this is sooo much easier if I remain present, staying in the moment and experiencing it to its fullest.

Here's my advice: If you are wanting to grow and change yourself in some specific ways, put yourself in a Son-Rise program:

1. Be loving and accepting to yourself
2. Join yourself: look at what you do with fascination, like a happy detective, to explore what you are believing in that moment
3. Celebrate your actions that are in the direction of your goals. Yeah!!!
4. Be present with yourself and experience every moment to the fullest
   

By the way, this also creates the optimal environment for change in all our loved ones, even those with 'special needs'. Have a great day in the playroom!

Faith

Labels: acceptance, all blogs, faith clarke, son-rise

Imagine you have a headache and you are exhausted, or irritated. Imagine how that would impact your ability to engage with other people. In similar ways as how you are limited by your physiology imagined, children with autism who's sensory processing is compromised find it difficult to play games or engage with people until they feel a sense of comfort and ease in their own skin. All of their energy is used to regulate their body in order to just survive their environment. Since their level of arousal/alertness is in a state of imbalance, all their energy is used specifically to regain that level of balance, which leaves them unavailable to pay attention to anything other then themselves. Because of this very reason when I play with an autistic child or any child with special needs, I am first and foremost paying attention to their level of arousal.

To be able to determine your child's level of arousal all you have to do is to observe your child's behavior. I have noticed from my experience that most children with autism display a high level of arousal. This means that they are engaging in rhythmical, predictable and repetitious activities (e.g. jumping up and down, running in a circle over an over, flapping hands, making the same sounds, rocking back and forth over and over again, lining up cars, etc.). Sometimes the activity might not look like it is repetitious but if you look closely you will begin to notice that your child has put together several activities and that he/she is repeating the same sequence over and over in a very methodical manner.

Below you will find some techniques/ activities you can do to help your child achieve a state of balance when in a high state of arousal.
*These activities are only to be done if the child is open to them. A good technique to use to help a child be more receptive to these activities is to explain what you are about to do and then model it on your self or the child's favorite toy.

1. Massage
a. Deep pressure massage on hands and feet preferably with lotion.
b. Apply firm pressure with your fingers around the jaw line, which lead to the back of the ears, as well as a firm head message if possible.
2. Snuggling in a bean bag, large pillows, sleeping bag
3. Giving firm hugs to your child
4. Finger hugs and tugs
5. Wrapping your child in a blanket
6. Putting heavy object on the child (e.g. your body, weighted blankets)
7. Encourage your child to suck on a straw (e.g. preferably a "crazy straw" it has many loops)
8. Create a corner or a small space where your child can climb, hide
9. Quiet music (white noise music, earthy drum music, chanting music)
10. Reduce lighting in the room
11. Provide a vibration pillow
12. Provide the opportunity to engage in rhythmical, predictable movement such as rocking slowly back and fort, swinging slowly back and forth, rolling slowly on the floor, pushing or pulling with resistance.

The behavior that you might notice when the child is in a low state of arousal is lots of lying on the floor without movement (be careful with making conclusions too abruptly because this might be a child who is so overly aroused that moving might be too overwhelming). It can also be that the activities the child does look very unpredictable, erratic, irhythmical (e.g. a child may suddenly smash into a wall, climb on a ladder, run, lye down, then jump).

Here are some activities you can do when your child is in a low state of arousal.

1. Turning up the lights
2. Fresh cool air
3. Fast swinging
4. Spinning
5. Drink cold/iced water
6. Sitting on an unstable surface (ball, air cushion)
7. Loud fast music
8. Startle-sudden noise
9. Visually stimulation rooms (e.g. lots of bright colors, moving objects)

Some children may fluctuate from a high to a low state of arousal. So the best thing to do is pay real close attention to your child's behavior in the present moment and then do the activity that you think might best help him organize and find a state of balance. I invite you to experiment because sometimes, especially initially, you might not be able to identify the specific state your child is in so just try something and then observe what happens. Allow your self to experiment without placing any judgment on what you are doing. There is really no recipe. We are always experimenting and staying with the present moment.

Labels: all blogs, autism, rita gendelman, son-rise

While driving home last night I began to think about all the silly things I have heard throughout my life but never thought much about. Like most people, being busy has often been an excuse for not really thinking deeply about things. Now, with lots of driving time as a result of a very long commute to work, friends, and family and few radio stations that come in clearly when you live in the mountains, I find myself thinking about everything and anything that pops into my head. I am truly amazed at the diversity of topics that fill my mind during this quiet time in the car.

I spent a lot of time last night wondering how in the world a proverb would emerge that would scare people into limiting their curiosity. I spent even more time thinking about how successful it has been together with so many others that seem equally silly to me:

You can't have your cake and eat it too
Mysery loves company
No pain, no gain
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree
Do as I say, not as I do
Don't bite off more than you can chew
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen
When in Rome, do as the Roman's do
Two's company but three's a crowd

I can remember hearing every one of these proverbs from the time I was a child but never really thought much about the messages they were sending and how they were shaping my beliefs. As I look at these proverbs with a new lens, I am quite fascinated with how limiting they really are. Take "curiosity killed the cat" for example. This one is really exciting for me to explore as I am inspired by my two beautiful children who experience the world so differently. Aly demonstrates her curiosity like most "neurotypical" children through the endless streams of questions she asks about everything. It is amazing how many questions from a first grader I can not answer. I find myself wondering if it is because I was never that curious as a child or if my curiosity ended when I was satisfied with the answer "I don't know" an answer I just realized I give a lot. Then there is David. He demonstrates his curiosity in a completely different way. Instead of asking questions, he tries things out. Like now for example as he is flying two deflated ballons held between a pair of sunglasses all around the house making sure to stop at the computer to see how his newly created "flying thing" looks as it whizzes by the words of my blog. Even though he is not asking questions, I am often answering him with "I don't know" simply by not experimenting with him. This simple reflection about a silly proverb has proven to be incredibly important to me. My "I don't knows" are reinforcing the silly proverb of "curiosity killed the cat". My new proverb is "curiosity found the cat" because I believe if the cat was not curious, it would still be hiding under the bed.

Experiment with me for a week. Every time someone asks you a question and you don't know the answer, take a guess, look things up, experiment, etc. Take the words "I don't know" out of you vocabulary and see how much fun you can have!

Love to you all,
Kathy

Labels: all blogs, kathy decastro, philosophy, son-rise

Wow! What an incredible month I've had, I feel amazing! I have been doing lots of Outreaches. I am so grateful for the experiences I've had and so proud of myself for really going for it, giving and using ALL of myself...what a dream I am living!

One of the things I have been doing during Outreaches that I feel so amazing about is coaching family members. For example, I had a group of 7 foster siblings and their parents all listening to suggestions about how to help the youngest in the family (who has autism) around the house and during 1:1 playtime. What a magical time this was for me to share my knowledge and be an inspiration.

When I'm coaching, I use all my experience and knowledge regarding autism (e.g. Psychology degree, workshops, being a foster parent, and my learnings from parents) and from a Son-Rise perspective, I help families with questions about the playroom as well about things that that come up with their children in the house and in the community.

Some coaching tips for your Son-Rise Program:

Think about how much of what we say and do in the playroom is positive and celebratory...it's well over the majority, perhaps about 90% of the time we are talking it is to celebrate, right? Well, it's no wonder then why the playroom is such a powerful place. The Playroom is like our garden and we are growing "flowers" with the warmth and nourishment of our positive and celebratory words. Are you celebrating yourself, your life, your volunteers as much as you do your special child? If not, why not?

One specific way I like to celebrate volunteers and family members after I observe them in the playroom is to:

1. Point out at least three specific, amazingly, wonderful and effective things the person did and before telling them why I think it was amazing, I celebrate them and ask them why they did it (just as I would with something less effective). This technique is so powerful because, well for starters, who doesn't like talking about the great things they do! And secondly, doing this so hugely grows the behavior that we want to see more of! Thirdly, focusing on the positive is such a beautiful way to connect and possibly shift the energy of feedback sessions. I find that people open up more, are more positive about change, excited and motivated to learn when I focus on what they are doing tremendously...sound familiar? (its what we do with our kids, let's do it for each other too). Exploring things to change can be just as FUN too, it's all about our attitude!

2. Encourage your volunteers to direct their learning (again, as we do with our kids). For example, ask your volunteer to pick a time that they felt amazing and awesome in the room and a time that they felt most uncomfortable and then explore BOTH these moments using Stimulus Belief Response. I find writing each example down on a chart with columns works well.

3. Get comfortable with other people's discomfort!

4. Allow space and time for a person's discomfort. Feel honored and celebrate the person for sharing their feelings with you (especially about discomfort because of the judgments that people may have about being uncomfortable). What a wonderful feeling it is to be accepted at all times, even when we are uncomfortable.

I will be doing a live/webcam Q & A on the Facebook group All Inclusive Son-Rise Program Network Cats on Monday May 4th at 10 am PST ...hope you can all make it!

Labels: all blogs, autism, jeannene christie, son-rise

So send in the clowns already!

This blog is a special gift to all my friends out there who are currently taking life way too seriously! I was thinking of all of you this past Sunday while drenching a group of children with a garden hose at a family barbeque. We had just finished a March of Dimes for Babies Walk sponsored by a dear family member who lost a child (Lucas) who was born prematurely. In the past, this day would have been terribly stressful for me. I would have spent the day worrying about saying and doing all the right things for fear of upsetting people. I am excited to report that last Sunday my only focus was love and laughter and I had an incredible experience!

The walk itself was a beautiful expression of love as hundreds of people came together to celebrate the lives of the children they know and create hope for millions of babies yet to be born. My husband Dave and I packed the kids (Aly and David), all of David's special food, a bright red wagon, and all our love into the car and drove to a beautiful ocean front park in Connecticut. We walked together with friends and strangers as one down a beautiful path of hope.

After the walk we celebrated Lucas with family and new friends at a barbeque hosted by Lucas's parents. We talked, ate, drank, and most importantly, played silly games with the kids. The garden hose quickly became the favorite toy as the children ran through the crazy stream of water, filled buckets to dump on one another, and giggled wildly as the water tickled their lips while drinking from the hose. The beautiful backyard transformed itself into an amazing circus of special stunts, tight rope (garden hose) walking, juggling, and of course clowns! The greatest show on earth began with the children and quickly expanded as many adults joined them. Running through the crazy stream of water was refreshing, exilerating, and incredibly fun! When was the last time you played with your garden hose?

I share this story with you because it is an illustration of the value of love and laughter during challenging times. Many of us are currently facing and will continue to face situations that we never anticipated. I believe that these situations have the potential to be the most amazing, growth promoting opportunities for all of us! After all, isn't anticipation one of the most exciting features of the circus! Can you remember how excited you were to see what happens next. Imagine if we approached life that way. How would you feel if you relished in the excitement of the unknown instead of being fearful of it? How would you feel if you knew no matter what happened, you could always send in the clowns.

If you are currently taking life too seriously, find some clowns and invite them into your life. Clowns come in many forms so here are some places to look: Most importantly, look for the clown in you. If you don't think you have any clown in you, buy some facepaints and a garden hose and go at it! Children are the most free spirited clowns ever so surround yourselves with them, drop your expectations of them to "behave" and have fun! Friends, friends, friends!!! Reunite with someone you have been meaning to call but haven't made the time for. Chances are, they are looking for clowns too!

Love to all of you!
Kathy

Labels: all blogs, autism, kathy decastro, son-rise

Labels: all blogs, autism, kathy decastro, philosophy, son-rise

As an occupational therapist and Son-Rise Child facilitator, I have had the pleasure of working with many beautiful autistic children who presented with a very wide range of diagnosis and behaviors, biting them selves or others, intensely banging their heads, staring into space without movement, lying on the floor while licking the mirror, lining up objects, reciting all kinds of cartoons, and self stimulating, etc. My training has allowed me to look at these behaviors from a very empowering perspective, while most of the world sees them as unacceptable. I view these so called "bizarre" behaviors as a window in that child's world and in the process gain an in-depth understanding of how I can best help this child connect to his/her internal (body) and external environment and begin to see the world around him as a friendly extension of him self.

The sensory integration approach explains the brain-behavior connection (e.g. every atypical behavior observed in an autistic child or another special needs child is directly related to the state of his/her Central Nervous System - CNS). Even though every autistic child presents a variety of ritualistic and atypical behaviors, when you look close, you will start to notice that every child creates their own unique pattern, speed, and intensity of how they prefer to engage in their unique behaviors. For example: one child might decide to place all his cars near him and begin lining them up by gently placing one car next to the other while moving with caution in a very predictable manner; another child might be running to get cars from another side of the room, falling down, smashing the car into the next car and then adjusting the car to make sure it is in perfect alignment with the other cars, and still maintain a very predictable rhythm. So here we have two children seemingly engaging in the same activity. But are they really engaging in a similar activity? They are both lining up cars. However their unique behavior is a communication to us all about what kind of sensory input their body is craving in order to achieve a state of balance.

Noticing the specific ways our children engage in their activities will allow us as therapists, counselors, teachers, and parents become super sensitive to our children's needs and thus allow a doorway for these children to engage with us and motivate them to be a part our world.

I dedicate myself fully to observe each behavior of a special needs child as a meaningful and purposeful action on the part of that child. I look at the deeper meaning of why that child is engaging in this specific behavior (where is the break down in communication with in the CNS of that child) and finally then synthesize a treatment plan based on what I have observed and which will fit the program the child is following. During this process I ask myself: "what purpose is that behavior serving for that specific child?" The atypical behaviors of our children are a window in to their unique world, which provide me with the opportunity to design a very specific tailor made treatment plan for each child I work with.

Occupational Therapy and Son-Rise support each other and gives us a window into our children's unique world!

Labels: all blogs, autism, rita gendelman, son-rise

I was recently reflecting on my thoughts and feelings the week our beautiful, amazing, sensitive, baby boy David was diagnosed with autism. Having been a psychology major in school, I knew what the books said about autism and I was scared. Upon reflection, I realized that I wasn't even sure I knew why I was scared, but fear replaced all my emotions. I remember sitting on my neatly made bed surrounded with pillows crying about the friends I imagined David would never have, the experiences he would miss, the teasing he would endure, and the family memories we would never create. As I think about it now, tears roll softly down my cheeks. They flow in a trickle of kindness and love that I never knew I had inside me for a life I never knew I needed. A flow far different than the wild and jagged stream of water rushing down my face three long years ago. Captured in these tears is a reflection of my journey. A journey that has not only transformed me and my family but one I believe will transform the world.

What if........ What if instead of autism needing a cure, autism IS the cure. The cure for world hunger, war, poverty, global warming, and every other world issue that seems so incredibly challenging to us today. I began to contemplate this possibility the day David started eating again. After seven days of not eating a single bite of food David looked up at me with those big beautiful brown eyes and said "waffle". After the waffle he asked for a hot dog, and then a cookie, and then two apples. Completely oblivious to the fear and concern we had as a result of his 20% bodyweight loss, David ate everything he wanted to, asked for his binkey and blanket, and slept peacefully for the night. The next morning, he was back to his playful, giggly, happy self. He was playing, talking, looking at us, and smiling more than ever, common challenges for a child with autism. After this experience, I thought about the group of parents from around the world that I web chat with who also have children with autism. I remembered that when Robin, another little boy about David's age stopped eating, the webposts were full of love and encouragement from other parents who had similar experiences. I began to imagine that all these well nourished children in the world were trying to show us that they have more than they need and that they would love to share to their nourishment with the world. Finally, the cure for world hunger!

For anyone who has spent quality time with a child with autism, you know the many gifts they bring to this world. Those of you familiar with Son -Rise understand the idea of joining these special children in their unique worlds to lead them back to ours. Here is a new thought to consider... "Join the world of a special child, learn all that they have to teach you from their world, and then together, come back to our world and apply your learnings." Through my journey, I have decided to believe that autism was specially designed by the universe to save us from destroying our world in the ways we have been for decades. If we really learn from children with autism and apply those learnings, we would very quickly change the world! Here is what I have learned so far from David:

1. Expectations created for someone are useless if they have not created them for themselves.
2. The more you try to control, the less control you have.
3. Differences foster learning, sameness stops it.
4. We have infinite potential when we do what we love.
5. If I only take what I need, there is plenty for everyone else.
6. What you judge in others is what you fear in yourself.
7. There is no collective reality.
8. What you do today impacts tomorrow but it doesn't define it.

If you haven't been blessed with the gift of a special child in your life, find one and learn from them. Our world depends on it! All my love, Kathy

Labels: all blogs, autism, kathy decastro, philosophy, son-rise

A couple of times a week, I visit David to work with him in his Son-Rise program. He is the most incredible little five-year-old boy. He has autism and a team of parents, volunteers and paid workers, work seven days a week with him to help him develop his brain in a different way so that he will be able to create relationships with others and from there develop his life skills.

As part of the program, a Son-Rise Teacher observed me working with David this week. After I got out of the playroom to receive my feedback, I was presented with the following question: "Most moments you introduced a new game with hundred percent energy, enthusiasm and excitement but there were a couple of instances where you seemed to do put in eighty to ninety percent. Why was that?"

This observation was so insightful and the question so right on that it has followed me every day since. When I answered the question, I realized that, when I do not get clear signals from David that he is open to interaction and/or participation, I hold back a bit and first wait how he responds before I go for it a hundred percent. As soon as I said this, I also realized that this is something I not only have been doing in the playroom but also in my work, relationships, starting up new projects, making decisions, etc.

If the Son-Rise Teacher had not asked me this specific question about this detail of my play with David, I could easily have discarded my wish for clear signals and not have had the learning I had that day. The learning is this: when I start something new and I do not yet know how everything will work out, I will have a greater chance of getting what I want by putting in one hundred percent energy, enthusiasm and excitement, than I would if I hold back.

So, I decided that I will develop myself into a stronger and more passionate person by asking myself at different times during my activities, "How much energy, excitement and enthusiasm am I putting into what I am doing right now? Am I holding back in any way? If so, why?"

Now, in what areas of your life are you waiting for clear signals? What was a time you decided to go one hundred percent for what you wanted without waiting for a clear signal?

Labels: all blogs, autism, iris tuomenoksa, son-rise

Hello lovely Option people,

My name is Barbara. I am a certified Son-Rise child facilitator. I live in Hungary and work all over Europe and in Nigeria. I love my job and I would love to share with you why Son-Rise is so amazing.

I haven't always seen all the beauty I see now in the Program. Being quite a self-centered person didn't give me much opportunity to find beauty in other things. It was totally ok to be self-centered. It was the way for me to take care of myself, to feel safe and find my way in the world. I always loved personal growth stuff but when I got involved with Son-Rise I started the big journey to become myself. By doing that I created the capacity to see the world in a different way. It was kind of doing a Son-Rise Program for myself. Exploring my beliefs opened up new ways to see and understand myself.

I wanted to share the above about myself because I used to admire people for how amazing they were and I never thought about where they started out. I just assumed they were always the way I met them. It is nice to see that life is all about growing, we never stop and there is always room to stretch ourselves more.

I love my job, seeing the beautiful children and meeting amazing families. I love how respectful, loving, gentle and effective Son-Rise is. I meet a child for the first time and it is so easy to make a connection from the place of total acceptance, love and respect. It is amazing to see how children respond when they have the first contact with someone who doesn't push them at all and who is happy to play their games for hours (join their isms) if that is what they choose to do. They just "soak" it in, relax and appreciate it so much. I get the most amazing smiles, looks and hugs from my little friends. By giving them the opportunity to take care of themselves and be who they are without any judgments or need to be someone else or do something else they can recharge and be ready to make steps toward things that might be challenging for them. I see with many children that they love to be challenged because it happens when they are ready for it and it is in a fun and easy way. Can you imagine anything better than having a friend who is so excited about what you love and is there for you and helps you on the way when you face challenges in your life? I am so grateful I can be a friend like that for the children I play with.

Talking about being grateful. It is a shortcut to happiness, as we all know. It was always nice to read it and think "yeah it's a good technique" but I didn't really feel it often. Then I just started practicing it more and more. I have started being grateful for the small things in my life and it really works. Slowly it is helping me to transform the way I think and see the world. I just have more and more good coming into my life and I recognize it more and more. I was just thinking that I am happy for the majority of my days, though I have my down moments. But the trick is, after I am unhappy for a little bit, I start looking for something I can be grateful for in the situation and it works amazingly.

So keep being grateful and enjoy the amazing fruit of your effort.

With huge love,

Barbara

Labels: all blogs, autism, barbara balla, son-rise

The Mystery Box entered our lives on December 25, 2008 as a brilliant gift from Santa. A perfectly square box wrapped in paper with dancing snowmen and gold and silver ribbon that sparkled underneath the magical white lights of our Christmas Tree would prove to be a brilliant gift indeed. Although the package read To: David Love: Santa we were well aware that labels meant very little to a smart, gregarious, little girl named Aly who had just turned six and a curious, independent, adorable, little boy named David who just turned five. What we were completely unaware of was that the Mystery Box was actually a gift for me.

So what exactly is the Mystery Box? Most people would describe it as a game designed for children ages 3-6 to motivate learning. It comes with the standard precaution of ...choking hazard.... not for children under 3 years old. It is a vibrantly colored box full of little toys each starting with a different letter of the alphabet. The object of the game is to select an item from the Mystery Box and place it on the game board letter that the item begins with. Simple enough.... Let's play!

Still snuggled in our pajamas, Aly, David, Daddy, and I sit down on the playroom floor and begin to play. David pulls out a tiny green alligator and quickly places it on the letter "A". Yeah!! We all applaud loudly. Now it is Aly's turn. Aly pulls a jeep from the Mystery Box and hesitates before putting it on the letter "T" for truck. We all pause for a moment as it is our first time playing the game and we are unsure if this little, green, plastic jeep belongs on "T" for truck or "J" for jeep. I notice a slight tension in my shoulders as I am focused on "getting it right". We decide to leave the jeep on "T" for truck and continue playing. Daddy takes a turn, I take a turn, and then it is David's turn again. David who is currently walking around the playroom comes back to the game, picks up his alligator and begins walking his alligator around the room. The alligator walks on the walls, the windows, the table, and finally the floor where David notices crumbs from a gluten free breakfast. David picks up the crumbs and begins feeding his alligator. Now let me ask you this... Aly is reaching into the Mystery Box, selecting items one by one, and placing them on a piece of cardboard over and over again. David is creating an entire experience for his alligator and laughing hysterically as the alligator jumps from the window to the floor... which of my two amazing children is the one labeled "different"? You see, like my children and their Christmas packages, I too have no use for labels.

The Mystery Box has proven to be an amazing catalyst for personal reflection. I grew up in a family that always played games according to the instructions. I never realized how limited my experiences have been. Quite frankly, the Mystery Box is an incredibly boring game as designed. Are you living your life as designed by someone else's instructions? How often have you paused to explore the reasons you are doing what you are doing….. being who you are being.... loving who you are loving? As I continue my Son-Rise journey, I am inspired each day by two unique children who experience the world in fascinating ways. Ways I could have never imagined and which I am so grateful for. Without them, I would be taking tiny toys, placing them on letters, and still trying to figure out if the jeep belonged on the "T" or the "J". Tell me, where does the "duck" belong?

Labels: all blogs, autism, kathy decastro, son-rise